an unexpected future

last spring, my college roommate, Julie, came to visit my home town of portland for spring break. so, over new year's this year, it was my turn to visit her in her hometown of oxnard, california to ring in 2012.

there was to be a party at one of her high school friend's house on the beach for new year's. before and after she would show me around her old haunts, including introducing me to many of her high school friends. while Julie would be hanging out with a very close friend of hers to welcome the new year, she didn't neglect her dormie! she told me a couple days before i went down that she had someone she wanted to meet. she called him "my type." she said he was cute and very sweet.

i loathe the idea of being set up. on the other hand, i loathe the idea of being alone when the new year's clock strikes midnight. i also trust Julie a great deal. i arrived late afternoon on dec. 30 and was met by Julie and her brother at the airport. we went to her home in oxnard, got me settled and had dinner.

there was a party going on that night; call it a new year's eve, eve party. we got ready and left for her friend's house where Julie immediately introduced me to her best friend from high school. Julie whispered something into Whitney's ear, Whitney nodded, and Julie excused herself to get some drinks. i had a chance to talk to Whitney for a few minutes. it reminded me of spring break when i introduced Julie to my own high school best friend, Shawna. but this was the other way around. we were talking about our respective colleges (Whitney attends Cal-Irvine). when Julie appeared. she stepped aside.

"Kassandra, this is Michael; Michael, Kassandra" she wasn't kidding. he was not just cute, but hot! as my dormie got reacquainted with her friends, Michael and i spent most of the night together. we got to know each other well. brothers, sisters, parents, goals, priorities. seems like we talked about everything.

as Julie and i prepared to leave, Michael stepped in between us. the kiss was amazing. i thought maybe ... but ... it was a huge WOW moment. i told him good night.

the new year's eve party was incredible. it was a really nice night in that area. the house was huge and right on the beach. we got there to find Michael and a couple of his friends talking. he introduced them to me then gave me a hug, which i found quite affectionate. as with the night before, most of my night was spent with Michael. a lot was spent in a little foursome with Julie and her friend, David.

midnight drew near and there the whole house counted down. "10 ... 9 ... 8 ... " midnight hit. cheers and hugs ensued. i looked up and Michael was looking at me. his hands rested on the back of my neck and we kissed. i thought it would never end. i never wanted it to end. it seemed to last an eternity.

i opened my eyes to see Julie and Whitney were staring at us; mouths dropped open in disbelief at what they saw. at that moment, Julie says she knew i was in love. she says she sees it in Michael's eyes as well. Michael and i spent a lot of the next couple of days i was there together. on the last day, he asked me if we could consider ourselves dating. he didn't want it to end. he attends fresno state which is about a 3-hour drive to my school.

classes started january 9. Michael wanted us to get together this weekend. we planned for him to drive to san jose where i would meet him and we would go out. we had dinner, then went to a coffee shop for a little while. he was just as affectionate as before. wait, more so.

we went to a club in san jose for a bit, then took a walk.

during the walk he talked about how he believes in love at first site. he said he can't stop thinking about me and being apart hurts. he basically told me everything that i'd been feeling about him. then he surprised me by doing something impulsive and unexpected.

Michael told me that he has a strong feeling about us and even though we've known each other for just a couple weeks, he knows he wants me in his life forever. i told him i can't commit to anything major for a few years. he understood. then he asked me something.

"Kassandra, i love you and i know we have to wait a while. will you marry me?" my eyes must have been huge at that moment. i told him impulsiveness is outside of my nature. we needed to decide on things like where to live, children and long-term plans.

despite my trepidation, i already knew i was going to say yes. i did. i never thought in a million years that i'd be engaged at 19 years old. i had always planned on finishing all my schooling -- including law school -- before saying my official "i do."

we will be taking these four or five years to plan out our lives, while attempting to see each other as often as possible. the truth is, i love him. like he said of me, he wants us to be together forever.

i wish for the same.

~ KMM

happy birthday to my mama

so, as my family often does to commemorate a household event, we are throwing a little party tomorrow.

it's my mama's birthday -- and it's a big one. i probably shouldn't mention this ... but it's the 5-0! not that she looks it. i don't know of anyone who looks as young for their age than my mama.

so instead of the over-the-hill jokes and sybollic milestone remarks, i wanted to do something a little different.

august 4 is a wonderful day (in my heart is always will be, at least). as with any day, there have been many monumental events and births. i thought i'd take some time to mention some which have occurred on my mama's special day.

i think maybe the biggest milestone is that president Barack Obama was born on the exact same day -- in 1961. other notables born that same day include actress Lauren Tom, german footballer Peter Reichert.

though born a little more than two decades later -- in 1985 -- portland trail blazers center Ha Seung-Jin was born on august 4 as well.

as far as notables who share an august 4 birthday, they include: Duke Leopold I of austria (born in 1296), Pope Urban VII (1521), french designer Louis Vuitton (1821), norwegian writer and poet laureate (1859), Louis Armstrong, American jazz trumpeter and singer Louis Armstrong (1901), journalist Helen Thomas (1920), actor Richard Belzer (1944), actor Billy Bob Thornton (1955), baseball player Roger Clemens (1962), race car driver Jeff Gordon, and twin actors Cole Sprouse and Dylan Sprouse (1992).

there were also quite a few major events in history which occurred on august 4. perhaps the one which pops out the most is that this day is generally credited as the day Dom Perignon invented Champagne, in 1693.in 1924, diplomatic relations were established between Mexico and Russia.

in world war I -- 1914 -- germany invaded belgium, which prompted the united kingdom to declare war on germany. two years later, liberia would declare war on germany.

the billboard hot 100 was created in 1958. in 1977, president Jimmy Carter created the u.s. department of energy. NASA launched the phoenix spaceship in 1977

some great births and great events happened on my mama's birthday, but hers is the biggest highlight of my august 4 -- in any year!

Happy Birthday Mama! i love you!

~ Kassandra

Aubrey II

nearly a year ago, i was on my post-high school graduation vacation; a trip to both sets of grandparents.

it was a wonderful trip, starting in my mother's parents in new mexico and concluded with a visit to my dad's parents' nebraska home. suffice to say, there was no shortage of sightseeing in both places. seeing new parts of the country was an absolutely amazing experience.

perhaps the most amazing, however, was when i met my nine-year-old cousin from albuquerque, new mexico. i'd never met Aubrey in person but, upon meeting her, i knew i was to be in for a privilege.

despite she and her dad's assertions that she was legitimately trying as hard as she could, she had been having difficulties in school. knowing that my mom had home schooled her children and that i had worked as a licensed tutor through the state, her dad reached out to us about six weeks prior to my visit. we looked into a couple things and i had the idea to have her undergo some testing through the state. i would be there for her the day her testing was to be scheduled.

* * *

it was a great visit with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, including Aubrey. we got acquainted, we visited the four corners monument at the intersection of new mexico-arizona-utah-colorado, and we took Aubrey to her testing.

what we found out was that Aubrey, who described her homework as "all inside-out" was dyslexic. she would begin getting help to work through it immediately.

following that visit last summer, i wrote the following blog: http://tinyurl.com/3um2987

* * *

my oldest brother's wedding was last weekend in san jose (about an hour south of he and my now sister-in-law's home of san francisco). family members came from all around the country, including Aubrey and her dad. i had a hunch they might show up with my grandparents, but was unsure until they all rolled in just a day before the wedding.

seeing my cousin brought both smiles and tears to my eyes. little did i know, both would not go away any time soon.

after the initial greetings and pleasantries, my grandmother told me that Aubrey wanted to see me alone. i had wanted time with her as well. just some time to catch up and find out how the past year had been for her. we'd kept in touch via e-mails and some phone calls, but there would be nothing like hearing it from her fact to face.

a bunch of us had a snack and several conversations had begun. Aubrey grabbed something from her backpack and asked me to join her in private. we went to my room at my brother and sister-in-law's and began to talk.

my now 10-year-old cousin told me about her sessions with a special instructor who helped her retrain her brain to accurately interpret what her eyes were seeing. she told me about how her grades had gone from D's and a couple F's to C's and then B's. she was working just as hard as before, but now feels like she has a fighting chance.

* * *

when i first met Aubrey, she was nervous about asking for help. she was certainly nervous about going to be tested. i still recall vividly the telephone conversation last june -- my mom and i on phone extensions in oregon, and Aubrey and my uncle Richard on phone extensions in new mexico -- where she pretty much outright refused to go.

it was that june evening on the phone when i presented her with my idea:

"well, you may know that i'm going to be in albuquerque in a month and a half. if i promise to go with you to testing, and be there, will you promise to go and be tested?" i asked. "i'll wait for you there and we can talk about any part of it you want to beforehand or afterward. all we have to do is schedule it for when i'm going to be there. would that be all right?"

there was a long pause, and then:

"if you come with me, i promise to go."

* * *

as a registered tutor, i had seen several different students, and each had their own issues. i had actually assisted in helping a 15-year-old girl discover a minor learning disability.

when Aubrey and her father described her troubles learning, it sounded familiar to something i had learned when taking the course to being a tutor, as well as seeing the other girl i had helped.

i did a little test with her the second morning i was in albuquerque and that all but told me she had dyslexia. therefore, the state of new mexico's results did not come as a complete surprise.

it was then when i was optimistic that Aubrey would do just fine.

* * *

she reaffirmed her earlier claims that she would not have gone in for testing if i had not gone with her. at least that's what she wanted to make sure she told me last week when we talked. we talked about general confidence and self-confidence. we talked about pride; not the pride which is a sin, but the pride of seeing the result of your hard work.

we talked about a lot of things. we even talked a little about boys -- and particular cute boy she kind of has her eye on. she says he's funny. i can't believe this innocent-looking angel might already be interested in boys!

we talked a lot about her grades. she calls her academic school results this past year as an accomplishment, but more over, as a good start. she says she knows what and whom are responsible for her turnaround.

Aubrey is the same girl i met nearly a year ago but, at the same time, she's quite a bit different. she's not so quiet. she's not so timid. she's not so unsure.

Aubrey is growing up.

* * *

it was time to go back out to the others and join the festivities of Brian and Carla's pre-wedding night reunion. Aubrey thanked me for my help and, with a wry smile she handed me the folder she had grabbed before.

"this is my writing paper for the end of the year," she said, still smiling. "look, i got an "A" on it! her smile now beamed. she said it was the best thing she's ever written in her life, because it meant more to her than anything than anything which has ever happened to her in her life.

i smiled back at her as she left the room, then opened the folder. i saw the red marked letter A on the upper right corner. i then read the title:

"The Person Who Has Inspired Me the Most In My life"

i love Aubrey ... and i am honored.

~ Kassandra

my brother, new sister-in-law & flower girl

well, they really went through with it!

of course, there was no doubt to be that they would. my oldest brother, Brian, and his fiance, Carla, made their union official on june 25 as they exchanged vows in her hometown of san jose.

i could not be happier for the both of them. i look up to my brother for many reasons. ever since i met Carla in person at my high school graduation party a little over a year ago, i had the feeling she was the one for him.

i had tried to skeptical; tried to find that one thing that might make me think she wasn't good enough for my brother. somehow, i couldn't.

in fact, i was shocked, amazed and moved last august when i visited them at their san francisco apartment by an extreme act of kindness. essentially, she designed a spare room for me for whenever i wanted to get away from school for a weekend. there was a cute little bed, study desk and a chest of drawers in a room with a theme of my favorite color.

for a refresher; please refer to my blog from that time: http://tinyurl.com/sfbayarearocks

a year later, i was as anticipatory as anyone as the wedding approached. it was extremely exciting, yet a little sad. the latter of which was that with Brian being the first of the eight of us kids to marry, it was almost like the end of an era. of course, i gained a sister-in-law rather than lost a brother (though i've always hated that line!).

Carla's family came in mostly from california, while several of my extended family members made the trip from as far as new mexico and iowa. we all were treated to a wonderful ceremony between two loving people. She was absolutely beautiful and he looked ever the gentleman. the reception was elegant, inviting and joyous.

though not a member of the wedding party myself, several of my siblings played a part in the event.

my brothers Kevin and Brandon were groomsmen. my next-youngest sister Jessica played the intro music as guests were seated, then the wedding march as Carla walked down the aisle. she also played a couple hours of music after the initial band was finished, accompanied by my youngest brother Keith on the drums. Keith had did double duty as well, having been an usher seating guests prior to the ceremony.

and then there's Monika. this three-and-a-half-year old was princess-like and simply adorable in her dress as the flower girl. as my parents were assisting Brian, i was charged with preparing my youngest sister for her role. i could tell she was a little nervous. she tried to hide it, but finally told me she was just "afraid of messing up." i told her that i had full confidence that she would be just fine.

she was so much better than fine. she was tremendous! her huge smile lit up the aisle as she walked down it, calmly laying rose petals along the way. i was so proud of her. i often refer to her as my munchkin but, on this day, she was purely an angel.

so here i am with a new pride in my siblings and a new addition to the family. i think everything is turning out just right.

~ Kassandra

Julianne; brother's wedding, work

this weekend marks the culmination of one of the best years of my life. i've concluded my freshman year and it's time to head home for the summer. that means saying goodbye to my dorm mate and getting ready for the summer.

Julianne

i had been talking to this southern californian for about a month via telephone, text and e-mail prior to that september 14 day when i moved into what would be my home for the next nine months.

i'd never had a roommate before, despite my large number of siblings. i arrived in the morning and moved my things into our room. it wasn't long before i heard this "hi. Kasey?" it was this sweet girl who would become not only my roommate, but my best friend and "partner in crime" as well.

we've studied together, confided in each other, partied together, prepared food for each other ... well, you get the idea.

i've been so fortunate to have been around a girl such as Julianne ("Jules") this year. she's kept me grounded and said i've done the same for her. this has been a new experience for each of us and i can't put into words what it has meant to me to have her here. fortunately, we have arranged already to share a room next year as well.

today i said goodbye -- no, "see you later" -- to Jules for the summer (though i may make a trip to visit her native oxnard this summer).

it was very difficult and emotional to say goodbye to someone who has been such an integral part of my life these last nine months. the tears wouldn't seem to stop. watching her drive away was akin to seeing my parents and baby sister drive away on that lonely september day.

i shall miss Jules these next few months.

summer full of plans

school is over, but not my time in the bay area. i my brother and his fiance will exchange their marriage vows on june 25 in Carla's home town of san jose.

i will stay with them (in my room at their place) until tuesday before driving home for a week. the following tuesday, my dad and i will drive down to assist Brian and Carla in any way we can, then celebrate with them on their wedding day the following saturday.

while my brother and his new wife are on their honeymoon, i will house sit for them when much of the rest of my family will head back to portland.

i'm looking forward to the week of house sitting, as i will be joined by my sisters, three-and-a-half year old Monika and 14-year-old Angela. there is also a strong possibility 17-year-old Jessica will join us as well (she wants to; has to figure out some band scheduling). that would be an amazing week if the four of us had a chance to spend it together in san francisco. the three -- or four -- of us will drive back the following sunday, just a couple days before independence day.

i'll spend july, august and the beginning of september owrking for my family's business outside of portland. my mom is the general manager, but as acting operations manager, i'll be able to give her some time off to enjoy her summer, as well as fulfill her u.s. army reserve responsibilities.

so, that's what's going on with me. any questions?

~ Kassandra

time moving along

time is an amazing thing.

sometimes something can seem to pass very quickly and other times can seem to move very slowly. i understand that's all about perception. i'm not going to get into the psychological effects of time perception here, however, except to say it amazes me.

i'm amazed that i am one month away from completing my freshman year here at stanford. it seems like just a couple of weeks ago i was waving goodbye to my parents and baby sister as they drove away, leaving me apart from them, and my home, for the first time.

it's been an amazing time over the course of these eight months. my classes have been challenging, but i've done very well. i have the most incredible roommate for whom i could have asked; more than just roommates - great friends. i've been seeing the same guy for three months now; little speed bump when i met his mother, but all is fine with us.

i've had an incredible series of classes. i can't say i had any specific expectations, but i'm not surprised as to the level of difficulty. i was confident going into this year that i'd be able to excel. thanks to a self-arranged study schedule, i've been ahead of schedule with my course work. i'm confident that will continue as i continue my education.

i know i've mentioned Julie before here. we've become like sisters. we're so close that it's like we grew up together. it amazes me i've only known her these months. we study together, cook for each other, shop together, go clubbing together and just like talking to each other. occassionally, we'll even tweet each other -- when we're five feet away from the other! a couple of the girls on our floor even refer to us as each other's wife. cute, i suppose.

that guy and i have had some very wonderful times together. we hit a rough spot when his mother came to town to go over some financial issues with him. there were basically three incidences. one where she was accusatory toward me, a second time when she basically told me i had no plan for the future, and the third when she told me i was not good enough for her son. the third time i very much held my ground and, when she said good night because she "had to get to the airport," i really pissed her off by saying: "i wouldn't want you to be delayed; perhaps i could give you a ride." after muttering something about me being a smart-ass bitch, she left. things were a little tense for about a week with that guy, but he finally stepped up and told me that if wasn't going to let his overbearing mother come between us. in short, we worked through it.

i've adopted some other habits over the course of my time here. back in the fall, i began walking, then running, 3.3 miles. it started with three days a week, then expanded to four days. three weeks ago, i extended the running to five days. i now start my route around campus at 6 a.m. on sunday, monday, tuesday, thursday and friday. i feel healthier and i feel as if i'm getting stronger.

being a basketball fan, specifically of my hometown portland trail blazers, i recently drew the following conclusion. if my undergrad college career were an nba game, there would be about 1:48 minutes remaining in the first quarter. sure, there's a lot of time left to go, but it feels like i've played quite a bit already.

i also feel that i am winning the game.

~ Kassandra

love at half moon bay

he had been vague when speaking of an evening at beach, with dinner and a walk on the beach. it wasn't going to be a formal place, but we should dress formally.

that would mean a suit for him; something handsome. he would don a black suit with a deep blue shirt, but with no tie. very handsome, indeed.

i would wear a black cocktail dress which extended down not quite to mid-thigh. it featured thin straps extending across my shoulders. the ensemble would not have been complete without black leather boots, extending up over the calf.

the one thing he told me about this date was that there was a town on the coast named half moon bay. it actually sounded romantic, i thought. it would take us about an hour and a half to get there (and another hour and a half to get back).

we met up at about 3:45 outside our dorm hall. he was very dashing and his eyes seemed to explore my outfit. “truly incredible,” he said followed by a wide smile.

the drive to half moon bay winds through some mountains. i had not been aware of so many hills between the san francisco bay and the coast. it was a very beautiful drive, though there were spots where cell phone reception cut out. fortunately, he has sirius satellite installed in his car, so we were able to be entertained by the radio broadcast of the blazers-heat basketball game.

we arrived at half moon bay a little before 5:30 and decided to take a look at the beach before heading to the restaurant. our reservations were at seven o'clock. though it was cold and a little windy, the view shortly before sunset was breathtaking; certainly worth enjoying.

dinner was very nice; it was a seafood and steak house not too far from the beach. the restaurant seemed to fit its town. he had a steak and potatoes and i had white fish with steamed vegetables. it was all very good, and the service was very friendly.

we talked at the restaurant for quite a while; some of the things we haven't discussed before. we'd been dating for just about a month and seemed to have talked about everything. though it was just the second week in march, we're both concerned with what might happen to “us” after spring term and we each head back to our respective oregon and colorado homes for summer break.

he is lining up an internship with a newspaper or television station, while i will work at my family's business. he's dreamed of becoming a journalist for many years, and as a minority owner in the business, i feel i have a vested interest in helping build the company.

we left the restaurant at around 8:30, still unaware of whether we would drive back that evening and or early in the morning.

after grabbing my sweater from his car, we went on to the beach, deciding to take a walk under the dark sky. we must have gone about a mile when he took my hand and we slowly walked to the water. he stood behind me with his arms around my waist. he kissed my cheek and whispered in my ear.

“i love you, Kassandra,” he said to me; for the first time.

i had thought he was feeling the same things as i have been, but i was surprised to hear the words. i smiled and looked up at him. “i love you,” i told him, also for the first time.

we ended up staying up most of the night and staying in his car for a couple hours before taking off back to our dorm, as each of us had class at 9 a.m.

this was the most romantic dates i've ever had. emotionally and physically, i feel even closer to him than when we met for that drive to half moon bay.

~ Kassandra