changes abound

it's been just over a week since my last blog, but life has drastically and expectedly changed for me, in more ways than one.

saying goodbye

on monday the 13th, early in the morning, i said an emotional heart-felt goodbye to my younger brothers and sisters (sans Monika). it's hard to go into, and relate how emotional this was to me. in particular, i did not want to let go of Jessica or Angela during our hugs. finally, i cleared my eyes got into my car, smiled at Monika in the back seat, and followed my parents as we headed toward san francisco.

we made pit stops in roseburg, medford and redding before making it to my brother's apartment by about 6:30 at night. i got to drive Monika down during the first and last legs of the trip, and we had a really great time talking and singing along with some cd's. i also got a chance to talk with my dad (second leg) and mom (third leg). that was a really special time for me. it meant so much to have that one-on-one time with each of them.

we stayed the night at Brian’s, though i couldn't sleep. my mom got up in the middle of the night to find me sipping coco on the deck. i was too excited with anticipation and too deep in thought of the future. my mom joined me for a couple hours. but we didn't speak of what will be. we spoke of what has been. we exchanged stories. stories about a little brown-haired girl asking her mother a million questions about everything; stories about a wide-eyed little girl trying to keep up with her two older brothers; stories about a little girl with a smile so bright as she cuddled next to her father so they could spend time watching sunday football together. it was just what i needed that night. it put a lot into perspective for me. it's just as if, as always, she knew just what i needed.

we arrived just before noon. i checked into my dorm and picked up my parking permit. my dormmate, Julie, arrived about 45 minutes after we did.. it was wonderful to me, like a beginning. on the other hand, it was extremely difficult to say goodbye to my parents and youngest sister. i watched as they drove away and turned the corner, almost expecting them to turn around and realize they forgot to take me with them. of course, i knew better. i really don't know exactly when i stopped waving goodbye.

arriving and beginning school

Julie and i spend most of that day unpacking and getting settling in. we have everything for which we can hope! small fridge (small, mind you, not mini!), microwave, hotplate, tv and … well, anything else two girls might need (except maybe our own bathrooms!). we've connected amazingly well. neither of us seems to worry about the little things.

we toured the campus together, then took an official tour of the campus with our dorm's resident assistants. it was very informative. we also spent part of the day at the beach on saturday (i'm so glad i have my car with me!). we also got tickets to stanford's game against wake forest saturday night. the latter was made even more fun when we clobbered wake! go cardinal.

classes started on the twentieth and my first impression is one of optimism. from what i can tell of the first two days, this atmosphere is catered to my style of learning; reading, listening, reviewing and testing. i can sooo totally do this!

a little something extra

i don't know if extra is the correct word, but i'm going to use it anyway! so thursday we were walking around and decided to sit down outside the quad. Julie kept nudging me and i'm like, “what?” she kept smiling and finally, on the other side of me, i heard this voice. it was asking if we were getting settled, if we were finding out where things were around campus, and if we had our tickets for the football game two days hence.

i turned and smiled. the voice was extremely cute! we started talking and i told him – Adam – that we hadn't planned on going to this particular game because it was only non-conference and didn't count toward our goal to win the pac-10 title, even though we still had to go through oregon, oregon state, usc and arizona to get there.

Adam’s eyes got wide.

he said after hearing my response, he just had to ask me to the game. i said sure (did i mention he's cute?!). he and his friend would take me and Julie to the game under one condition. i had to have lunch with him on friday so we could get to know each other.

we spent most of friday afternoon together and all of us met up for a bagel and went to the the game saturday evening. i had specifically planned not to become involved with someone the first half of this year.

i'm seeing him again thursday night. maybe i'll let you know how it goes!

~ Kassandra

emotional last day at home

emotional. excitement. fear. trepidation. optimism. love. sadness. pride. thankfulness. curiosity.

on this, my last full day at home before heading off to college tomorrow morning, i can't imagine an emotion which is not touching my heart.

i've been talking about my feelings of being away at college in the past several blog entries, and now the time has come.

so, as my family often does to commemorate events such as this, threw a party. it was just an intimate little thing with about 20 close family friends.

today was the last time until probably thanksgiving or christmas i was able see my best friend, Shawna. she has been amazing friend to me for the past four years. in high school, she was the rudder who straightened my ship. she says the same of me. there are times i am sure i owe my sanity (for better or for worse!) to her. she's about to head off to her own journey; hers taking her to the university of washington in seattle.

i've been told that as high school friends move on, they will lose contact. i believe that we will adopt other priorities in school and life, but i am as committed as i can be to stay in touch with Shawna. i have labeled her as my kindred spirit; and you just can't lose contact with that.

it meant so much to me to see these people who came to share my last day in oregon (at least for the school year). i loved seeing Simon from across the street; our very close family friends col. and mrs. Chapman; McKenzie, Thomas, Rick, Tami, Heidi and Irene from high school.

it was certainly wonderful and fitting that all of them were there, people who have been such a very important part of my life. I feel honored to be included in theirs as well.

i've spent the past month attempting to relate to my family how much they mean to me. i think i've made my points clear. my sister, Jessica, told me the other day: "yes, Kasey, i know, i know and i know!" she then smiled and hugged me so that she could whisper in my ear that she can't even imagine what it will be like with me here.

that kind of thing has comforted me, and all of them have really taken that sort of moment to convey their feelings.

i've left messages for each of them which i will e-mail to them either monday night or tuesday morning. i only hope they understand the words which i try to convey. (i've left the recorded message to my parents with Brandon, who will give it to them upon their return tuesday night).

so, i'm off in the morning. one more goodbye as Brandon, Jessica, Angela and Keith take time away from getting ready for school, and we're on the road. my parents will start the trip in their suv, while i have the privilege and honor to be accompanied by my youngest sister, Monika, as i drive my jetta. we're headed to san francisco where we'll all stay with my brother and his fiance monday night, then move me into the dorm on tuesday.

i fear that watching mom, dad and Monika drive away will be the saddest sight i've ever experienced.

but then again, that's just one emotion which is rushing through my heart.

~ Kassandra

lest we not forget Nikki

in my last entry i talked about missing my family. however, in all that, i forgot someone very, very special to me.

as a 14-year-old pretty much beginning adolescence, my parents presented me with a gift. this was to be my pet and mine alone, the cutest little kitten. black with white patches and the most gorgeous eyes, she won my heart the instant i saw her.

i named her Nikki, somewhat after a friend and because i thought it sounded cool for a cat.

i cannot begin to relate the tough days or activity filled nights when i would come home to relax and before i knew it, Nikki would be laying next to me purring steadily. it's like she knew her role in the family and in my life. everyone has a job and comforting me during rough times is hers. and if i didn't know better, i'd say she is all smiles.

so a question has emerged regarding Nikki. who shall take care of my baby while i'm at school living in the dorm?

this was something i've pondered for quite some time. i've run through them one by one. obviously it's going to be a family member, but whom?

my parents. this wouldn't seem fair to burden them with one more thing about which to worry. although they would do it if asked, i dismissed this idea quite quickly.

Brandon. he'd be great. however, he's a senior and doesn't need one more thing on his plate. additionally, he's already the primary care provider for our family dog, Jasper, so i don't think it would be right to ask him to take care of Nikki as well.

Jessica. she'd also be great, but she's heavily involved in her high school band and other music ventures. some of these take her away from home for a night or sometimes a weekend, so it might not be the best job for her.

Monika. this could be an interesting choice, and she loves Nikki, but i think my youngest sister is probably still a little young for this kind of responsibility.

Keith. my youngest brother is nearly 13 and wouldn't do a bad job of taking care of my baby. he's busy with music and with sports and i don't want Nikki to fall through the cracks of his schedule. i've decided to ask him to act as a back-up to the person i've asked to look after her.

which leads me to ... Angela. i absolutely love this girl and it makes sense that she look after Nikki. Angi is just about my age when my parents gave Nikki to me. most of Angi's activities involve writing and reading which she does at home anyway. yes, Angela is the perfect choice.

i know Nikki is in good hands with her.

~ Kassandra