back in the swing of things

well, i've been busy lately. i was trying to come up with a better word for it, but "busy" seems to be the best word to describe it.

following christmas break, i returned back to school for the beginning of my second semester. i made it a point to become immersed in this semesters classes as i had in in the fall. my classes are again challenging, but i have no doubt that i can do just as well.

Julie and i continue to have fun in our dorm room and there have been numerous nights of little potlucks with our neighbors. these are always a lot of fun, since it's like a mini party on our floor. in fact, the opponents of our lingerie flag football game during last semester's secret snowflake came up (clothed) and hung out one night. that was a huge amount of fun.

of the three weekends since the semester started, i've spent two of them at Brian and Carla's apartment, including this weekend when they weren't there. that's no issue since i have my own room there so i can get away from school if i need to.

it's been a fun weekend of a lot of solitude and a couple of get togethers at neighbors, whom i've previously met. it's not like they were strangers, so it was nice getting to know them a little better.

the past weekend, i met someone and became involved for what i thought would be a solid time. as it turns out, he ended up being like a lot like previous guys i've met. i understand wanting to spend time together; however, i don't tolerate ultimatums when it comes to disregarding my studies to spend time with him. that is unacceptable and i quickly told him goodbye.

i still connect with my family as often, and even more so than i did the previous term. things are going well back at home, and speaking via any method with them never fails to bring a smile to my face.

Dad

my dad is doing exceptionally well after his angioplasty before christmas. in fact, he's doing so well that he returned to work about a week and a half ago. they say he's pretty much back to normal, and he says he's no longer going stir crazy at home. i absolutely love him and i know he's best in his element.

Aubrey

readers of this blog may remember my trip to new mexico last summer, and my cousin Aubrey. she e-mails me at least once a week and we talk on the phone a couple times a month. in september she began her tutoring to deal with dyslexia. she just e-mailed me a copy of her grades for the first half-year of school. one A, five B's and a C. that's a 3.00 average ... up about 1.50 points from before the dyslexia diagnosis. i knew she had it in her!

~ Kassandra

an unexpected holiday

as i had planned, i returned home for the holidays. after my last final on december 9, i hung around for a friday night outing with my dorm mate before spending the weekend at my brother's in san francisco. i made the drive home to portland.

first week

i arrived just in time to get some dinner on tuesday the 12th. as with my thanksgiving trip, there was a lot of talking and catching up. pretty much all of them asked how i felt about the finals from my first semester at stanford.

i had a chance to go shopping with my sisters. then i went shopping with a couple of my brothers. then i went shopping with my mama. then i went shopping with my best friend from high school, Shawna. fortunately, i didn't break the bank!

there are 10 members of my immediate family; 11 if you include my soon-to-be sister-in-law, Carla. we all would love to have the resources to buy for everyone in the family, but that's just not possible. a few years ago, my parents adopted a system where we would each draw a name ... well, not one name, but three! now, a few of us cheat and get everyone else a little something, and my parents still buy for each of us kids.

i drew my mama, Angela and Brandon. in turn, Jessica, Brandon and Carla drew me. that's a diverse group, and i received a diverse collection of gifts. not that i would advocate playing favorites, but i had almost wished to draw Monika's name, though i did not.

that was okay since we celebrated her third birthday on december 19. i was able to be there with her and present her with something i really think she can use and enjoy.

our scare

the day after Monika's birthday, on the afternoon of monday the 20th, my dad was in his office at work talking with a clerk when he began having chest pains after a little prodding, his boss took him to the hospital. it appeared he was having a heart attack, but was conscious and trying to talk to the doctors himself. they stabilized him as best they could, did x-rays and blood tests and so forth. according to what i was told later, he had a minor blockage in one of the arteries heading into his heart. they originally thought he was having a grade-4 or grade-5 heart attack, but it was downgraded just past grade-5. they performed minor surgery that night to repair the blockage and he's doing fine. they also determined that the other arteries were in good shape.

my mom wasn't home when it happened, and Keith answered the phone and gave it to me. i was shocked, but tried to maintain my composure. we tried calling my mom's cell, but she had it off because the charge was down. i had Keith keep trying to call her, while Brandon, took the others to the hospital in his truck. i went to the base, talked to the clerk who was with my dad and grabbed my dad's laptop and a couple of other things before heading to the hospital. i knew there was nothing i could do until he was out of triage. i got to the hospital about a half an hour after my siblings did. Keith was still trying to get in touch with my mom, and Brandon and i went to try and get some information from the doctors.

when my mom was finally contacted and made it to the hospital, there wasn't much information available, but we updated her as best we could. she was in a panic and wasn't sure what she wanted to do, so we had my three younger sisters sit down and just be there with her. Brandon and i started making phone calls to extended family and so forth.

Brian flew up tuesday and it was very comforting to have him there. he and Carla had planned to come up friday morning for christmas, so he was just a few days early. Carla arrived friday morning, as planned.

my dad is in very good physical shape and i wouldn't necessarily consider his diet to be over susceptible to heart problems. be that as it may, the procedure was successful and he was discharged from the hospital three days later.

a normal christmas

with all that happened, we had two objectives. the first was to make my dad as comfortable at home as we could. basically, we made sure a couple people were home with him at all times, preparing the right foods and helping him with this or that. my mom spent a lot of time with him, and each of us did our own little bit to help out and spend time with him.

one of the cutest things i saw was when i went into mom and dad's bedroom, he was laying there with some jazz on in the background. in one hand he was reading his book, and his other was laying on top of my cat, Nikki, who was laying next to him. he told me my cat came in and set herself down next to him. i had to smile wide; Nikki has a knack of going to the person who needs her most. she just seems to be smart like that.

the second objective was to make christmas as normal as possible. this was going to take some doing, but we all were confident we could still make it a special day. when i say we, i mean Brian, Carla and i.

it actually went very well. my dad was able to sit in his chair christmas morning while we all exchanged gifts, and later on for dinner, which we all adapted to match that which my dad was allowed to eat on the day.

there were a lot of laughs, smiles and many tears. the tears were of happiness and joy, and also that of a renewed spirit. i was very happy to see something which could have been mellow and bland, turn into something so special. i would even venture to say that it was one of our best as a family.

in a new light

following my dad's medical issue, Brandon and Angi became a little distant, Kevin wasn't around too much but still, showed his support, Monika was very concerned about her daddy, and Jessi was hit very hard. Brian and i tried to reassure the others as best we could, and he was eventually able to calm Jessi down. Brandon and Angi came on board with supporting dad when he arrived home.

the biggest surprise to me in all this was my 13-year-old brother, Keith. this baseball-playing musical drummer very much stepped up to the plate. he told me later about some nice conversations with my dad, telling him he loved him and wanted him to be around for a long time.

instead of walking around in a daze or showing anger, he approached his oldest sister to get some facts "you're a genius and i know you've already looked up all this stuff," he said. he was correct. we sat down, went online and found some medical charts. i explained to him about the blockage in our dad'a artery and went through my most informative version of what is involved in an angioplasty. he asked questions and understood.

Keith was there with me all week. he wanted to be as helpful and mature as he could be. if that was his goal, then he not only reached it, but surpassed it greatly. i think my youngest brother grew a lot over the past two weeks. i now see him in a new light.

a little work

with the holidays and my dad's situation, the family's distributorship business (the one we entered into in july) was left kind of fending for themselves. my mama wanted to stay at home with my dad so it was decided that i would go in and fill in for her in her role as owner/general manager for a few days (i have a small stake as a minor owner).

we essentially were just tying up some loose ends, invoicing and paying some invoices. i had to deal with a couple minor problems in the fashion and spirit i believe my mama would.

we were open december 27-30, and on the last day, we left Carla with my dad while everyone else joined in for a day of inventory. we'd never done this before, so it took a little getting used to but, all in all, things went very well.

new year's night out

another plan was that my little group from high school would get together for new year's eve. true to tradition, the six of us found out way to four parties (the first two were kind of lame). we rung in the new year at the third, with champagne and kisses from a couple guys i'd never met. no -- it wasn't that kind of thing -- just a closest person thing. really, it was funny more than anything else.

about a quarter after midnight, we left that party and went to the fourth. usually, these parties tend to die down after midnight, but this really seemed to be the place to be. i recognized a lot of people from high school, but mostly in grades higher than me. it was nice to get reacquainted with them, if even for just a night. i ended up hanging out with a couple of guys who were seniors when i was a freshman (not sure where the rest of my group had gone!).

the three of us had a great time and all i'll say is that we rang in the year just right.

so it's 2011 ... this should be an interesting year

~ Kassandra

thriving

the past month has been that of getting adjusted, thriving and downright enjoying life. a lot of things have happened, so i'm going to touch on the highlights.

first of though, i should probably start off by saying; please disregard the comments in the final section of the previous blog. Adam turned out to be nothing i would want to be around. why 'o why do i seem to attract those types of guys ... well not always, i guess.

family

i've had many, many opportunities to keep in touch with my family back in oregon (not to mention my brother in the bay area).

i try to talk to my parents at least twice a week (usually about three times to each of them), and my siblings one- to two-times a week. we chat via webcam, instant message, e-mail and numerous times on the telephone. this has been wonderful. i believe my family knows how hard it is for me to be separated from them.

i've been able to keep up with all the latest with each of them and have been able to tell them of each and every little thing going on with me.

two trips have been made to my brother and his fiance's apartment in san francisco. if you remember, i have my own room in their three-bedroom apartment. those trips have been a great diversion from campus life; a very nice break as i've used the time primarily to study and complete some papers.

school

i go into every semester with a semester-long plan to study and review on a daily basis. i also make sure that once i am assigned a paper or project that i complete it as soon as possible. this is what i call my study plan. not to sound conceited, but i think it's working very well. i have four mid-term papers completed, and i'm prepared for the other three mid-term exams. mid-terms begin tomorrow and i really feel as if i'm taking advantage of this opportunity.

Julie and i continue to get to know each other and we're getting along very well. we seem to have the same priorities and styles as we approach life here at school. we also share ethical and moral standards which make things so much easier and, therefore, more fun.

i've gotten to know the resident assistants (RAs) pretty well. one in particular, Gary, has been very helpful and supportive. if i must say, i think i'm his favorite resident on the floor. being aware that the males in my family are very athletic and active, he's dubbed himself as my "gay older brother and protector."

football and basketball

i absolutely love the atmosphere here surrounding the cardinal football team. i don't know if this is because it's new to me, because we're doing so well or because of both. i'm guessing both. i've been to two games at the stadium (didn't go to the southern cal game because i had the flu). for the away games, a group of us get together in the dorm's rec room to watch the game. we've had about 30-35 residents in there for both games and it's been a really nice way to get to know people. i've met some very fun friends there. we've got five games left -- two at home and three away. i'll be at the stadium for the home games, and in the rec room for at least two of them. there is talk that we should be able to get tickets to the "big game" against cal at berkeley. i really want to be there!

my hometown portland trail blazers open up their season in just two days from this writing. still with some injuries to a couple of our players, i'm confident in the team we're going to put on the court this season. we have steady veterans, an more-than-solid core group and some very exciting rookies. on paper, we should be very strong. i'm not saying we'll win the championship this season, but it is the year we should be able to take the next step.

personal

i'm really just getting into the social life here. watching football in the rec room has been a lot of fun and there have been a few fun parties. i've met a lot of people.

there is a whole different selection of guys than i've seen before. in a way, that makes me feel like a little school girl. i haven't planned on any relationships, but perhaps the occasional fling might be fun. i had a great night during alumni weekend with a sophomore named Chase. he seems sweet. i may just want to hang out with him again.

i'm going to leave that at that.

~ Kassandra

emotional last day at home

emotional. excitement. fear. trepidation. optimism. love. sadness. pride. thankfulness. curiosity.

on this, my last full day at home before heading off to college tomorrow morning, i can't imagine an emotion which is not touching my heart.

i've been talking about my feelings of being away at college in the past several blog entries, and now the time has come.

so, as my family often does to commemorate events such as this, threw a party. it was just an intimate little thing with about 20 close family friends.

today was the last time until probably thanksgiving or christmas i was able see my best friend, Shawna. she has been amazing friend to me for the past four years. in high school, she was the rudder who straightened my ship. she says the same of me. there are times i am sure i owe my sanity (for better or for worse!) to her. she's about to head off to her own journey; hers taking her to the university of washington in seattle.

i've been told that as high school friends move on, they will lose contact. i believe that we will adopt other priorities in school and life, but i am as committed as i can be to stay in touch with Shawna. i have labeled her as my kindred spirit; and you just can't lose contact with that.

it meant so much to me to see these people who came to share my last day in oregon (at least for the school year). i loved seeing Simon from across the street; our very close family friends col. and mrs. Chapman; McKenzie, Thomas, Rick, Tami, Heidi and Irene from high school.

it was certainly wonderful and fitting that all of them were there, people who have been such a very important part of my life. I feel honored to be included in theirs as well.

i've spent the past month attempting to relate to my family how much they mean to me. i think i've made my points clear. my sister, Jessica, told me the other day: "yes, Kasey, i know, i know and i know!" she then smiled and hugged me so that she could whisper in my ear that she can't even imagine what it will be like with me here.

that kind of thing has comforted me, and all of them have really taken that sort of moment to convey their feelings.

i've left messages for each of them which i will e-mail to them either monday night or tuesday morning. i only hope they understand the words which i try to convey. (i've left the recorded message to my parents with Brandon, who will give it to them upon their return tuesday night).

so, i'm off in the morning. one more goodbye as Brandon, Jessica, Angela and Keith take time away from getting ready for school, and we're on the road. my parents will start the trip in their suv, while i have the privilege and honor to be accompanied by my youngest sister, Monika, as i drive my jetta. we're headed to san francisco where we'll all stay with my brother and his fiance monday night, then move me into the dorm on tuesday.

i fear that watching mom, dad and Monika drive away will be the saddest sight i've ever experienced.

but then again, that's just one emotion which is rushing through my heart.

~ Kassandra

lest we not forget Nikki

in my last entry i talked about missing my family. however, in all that, i forgot someone very, very special to me.

as a 14-year-old pretty much beginning adolescence, my parents presented me with a gift. this was to be my pet and mine alone, the cutest little kitten. black with white patches and the most gorgeous eyes, she won my heart the instant i saw her.

i named her Nikki, somewhat after a friend and because i thought it sounded cool for a cat.

i cannot begin to relate the tough days or activity filled nights when i would come home to relax and before i knew it, Nikki would be laying next to me purring steadily. it's like she knew her role in the family and in my life. everyone has a job and comforting me during rough times is hers. and if i didn't know better, i'd say she is all smiles.

so a question has emerged regarding Nikki. who shall take care of my baby while i'm at school living in the dorm?

this was something i've pondered for quite some time. i've run through them one by one. obviously it's going to be a family member, but whom?

my parents. this wouldn't seem fair to burden them with one more thing about which to worry. although they would do it if asked, i dismissed this idea quite quickly.

Brandon. he'd be great. however, he's a senior and doesn't need one more thing on his plate. additionally, he's already the primary care provider for our family dog, Jasper, so i don't think it would be right to ask him to take care of Nikki as well.

Jessica. she'd also be great, but she's heavily involved in her high school band and other music ventures. some of these take her away from home for a night or sometimes a weekend, so it might not be the best job for her.

Monika. this could be an interesting choice, and she loves Nikki, but i think my youngest sister is probably still a little young for this kind of responsibility.

Keith. my youngest brother is nearly 13 and wouldn't do a bad job of taking care of my baby. he's busy with music and with sports and i don't want Nikki to fall through the cracks of his schedule. i've decided to ask him to act as a back-up to the person i've asked to look after her.

which leads me to ... Angela. i absolutely love this girl and it makes sense that she look after Nikki. Angi is just about my age when my parents gave Nikki to me. most of Angi's activities involve writing and reading which she does at home anyway. yes, Angela is the perfect choice.

i know Nikki is in good hands with her.

~ Kassandra

Aubrey

i am a registered student tutor with the state of oregon. this basically means that i've taken a course and completed testing to be approved as a tutor for students younger than me on a free-lance basis. this allows me to charge for my service and treat the sessions with my "tootees" (coined by one of them) as a job. i don't consider it work. through this, i've seen and been exposed to a lot of different types of kids and, in some instances, the challenges and learning disabilities with which they deal.

this is something of which i generally don't speak. these are private sessions where trust and anonymity is key to moving forward and helping these kids.

***

she has a smile of gold which shines through her long lightly browned hair. she's all of about 4'4" tall. she is kind, considerate, wondrous, curious and all the other things one would hope a nine year old would be.

what she wants most in the world is to be like every other girl her age. However, she doesn't feel as though she is.

her relatives make fun of her. her friends (if you can call them that) call her names like ‘stupid,’ ‘moron,' 'dummy’ and others.

those descriptions have absolutely nothing in common with the girl I met just a week ago, my cousin Aubrey.

ever the optimist, she volunteered to accompany my grandfather when I arrived at the airport in albuquerque for my visit there. i've since learned that she wanted to meet me, a cousin she'd only heard about and talked to a couple of times on the phone, yet never met in person.

for a week, we were like sisters. she told me all about her home state and listed intently as i spoke of mine. though we live about 1,300 miles from one another, we share a great pride in our homes.

she was there when we visited four corners, the intersection of Utah, Colorado, new mexico and Arizona (although, she insists that new mexico should be listed first!). i bought us matching necklaces there and she declared that i no longer had just three sisters; i now have four!

***

Aubrey struggles in school. she and her father swear she works her butt off but every time she thinks she has the right answer, it turns out to be wrong. backwards. she calls her homework "all inside out."

knowing that my mother had home schooled the majority of her children, Aubrey's father contacted her at the end of school with the dilemma of Aubrey's scholastic difficulties. my mom suggested a few things, and promised to get back to him with more.

my mom asked me for my opinion. i suggested Aubrey do some testing through the state, and that could hold some answers. on the phone with she and her dad on phone extensions in new mexico, and my mom and i on phone extensions on oregon, Aubrey said she liked the idea of getting answers, but going to the state to be tested was scary for her. she all but refused to do it. her father didn't pressure her (and for that moment, i agree with him).

i had yet to meet her at that point, but as we were all paused on the phone that june day, i came up with an idea.

"Aubrey, i need you to listen to me and let me finish before you respond, okay?"

"yes, cousin Kassandra," she said.

"well, you may know that i'm going to be in albuquerque in a month and a half. if i promise to go with you to testing, and be there, will you promise to go and be tested? i'll wait for you there and we can talk about any part of it you want to beforehand or afterward. all we have to do is schedule it for when i'm going to be there. would that be all right?"

"if you come with me, i promise to go," she said after a long pause.

***

i arrived in albuquerque on a thursday afternoon. that's the moment I met Aubrey. she offered to be my tour guide, which encompassed informing me about her home state. we got a chance to sit down alone together friday morning and i asked her to read part of the newspaper out loud. sound it out, i told her when she came to a pause. i then asked her to perform a few exercises based on what she had read. After about two hours, i told her to relax. her testing was scheduled for monday (august 2).

based on what i'd seen friday morning, i had a hunch. through tutoring, i had seen something very similar to this.

the weekend was recreational. we had the trip to four corners, we walked along the rio grande river, and we had lunch. other than our friendship, it was all about "doing lunch!"

the state tests came on Monday morning (they allowed her to hold the necklace that her cousin bought her, just for luck).

"it was easy," she claimed, rather triumphantly. then added "cousin Kassandra, it was just like what we did the other day." i simply smiled. my hunch had just grown into a full-blown-gut instinct!

***

the following day was my last full day on the albuquerque portion of my vacation. it was also the day we received an expedited analysis of Aubrey's testing. my gut turned out to be correct.

Aubrey is dyslexic.

i know, that's not necessarily something to be excited about. but I think it's cause for optimism. there are several programs where people can learn to re-train their brains into perceiving information more effectively. as i told Aubrey, a lot of people have learned to deal with dyslexia and beat it. an actor, a professional football coach, ceo's of companies. the important thing is to determine what was causing the difficulty.

i think she's encouraged.

as she did nearly a week before, she came to the airport to see me off this morning. we were all smiles until we got to the gate.

i tried to convey how special the visit was and how wonderful she made it. then, she blew me away.

"cousin Kassandra, i knew you'd help me. grandma told me so. i don't care how much those instructors help me, you'll always be my best tutor.

i spoke nothing, as i am very poor at talking through my tears.

the hug seemed to last forever, then i was on my plane, smiling because i knew Aubrey was not any of those things she had been called.

in fact, i am confident those names and that ridicule are soon to be a thing of the past.

and i can't wait to see Aubrey again!

~ Kassandra

mid-summer blues

new hair

actually, i'm not blue at all. truth be told, i'm blonde! my natural hair color is dark brown, but since this is the summer between high school and college, i decided to have a little fun with it. rather than just dye the whole thing, i put blonde highlights in there.

the truth is, i don't really care for the look. it was nice to try, but i think it'll be back to dark brown very soon. i guess i'm just a brunette at heart!

the grandparents

my visit to the grandparents is nearly here. i leave july 29 for my mother's parents in albequerque, new mexico, where i'll also see some cousins i haven't seen in quite a while. i'm told some surprises planned for the visit.

the southwest has always interested me; i've always felt that mainstream education usually glosses over the mystery and beauty of the area.

after six days, i hop on a plane in albequerque and head to my father's parents just outside of lincoln, nebraska. i bet that'll be a huge culture shock!

these grandparents are not farmers, but they rely heavily on the agriculture industry. this is the heartland of america and i am honored to be hanging out there for another 6 days before returning home to portland.

i look at this as a very special time, as my grandparents are footing the bill for this trip -- my high school graduation present. i'm honored that i am able to spend this time with each of them.

trail blazers

with the exception of a few trade rumors and some fans' player wish lists, this is a very slow time of year for the portland trail blazers. i remain skeptical about many things involving the moves they have made.

however, this is my team and i will not stop supporting them and pulling for them to win. that's called loyalty, and that's what i'm all about.

not working

other than my travel, i feel like i'm not doing much this summer. i'm not working steadily for my dad like i have the past two summers (my 16-year-old sister, Jessica has that honor this year).

my mother is still settling into the new business and it's taking up a lot of her time. therefore, my responsibilities at home, especially with Monika, have increased. i have no problem with this since i am beginning to fear leaving my family behind when i go off to college. of course, that's a whole other blog.

Monika is truly the light of my heart. i love her immensely. i shall miss her more than i can fathom.

more updates to come!

~ Kassandra