i dare you!

so, the past week is what's known as dead week, which is the last week before finals. one of the traditions here is what is known as the secret snowflake.

no, it's not a hidden snowflake that we must find. this is something completely different. it's an in-dorm thing where people anonymously send someone a set of three dares which the student must perform, one on consecutive nights from wednesday to friday. most students accept and perform the dares, laugh and move on with life. the only rule is that there are no rules to each dare -- anything goes.

i was the recipient of a set of dares.

1. flag football with a twist

my dormmate and i were each sent three dares, one of them being one to perform together. we were challenged to a game of football against two girls from the floor below us. the game was set as a two-on-two, and the first team to score two touchdowns, wins. oh, and one more thing: all four of us players' uniforms were to consist of lingerie.

Julie and i were "dressed" in black and our opponents in white as we took the field. each team had a coach and there was one referee.

the third floor girls had the ball first and scored.

Julie and i, who comprised the fourth floor team, completed a couple passes then our coach came out and talked about some plays. he mentioned that he had a play to the right, a double screen option as he called it. the only catch is that we needed a left-handed pass. he was a bit surprised when i told him to draw up the play for us. see, i'm left-handed! we lined up, started the play and Julie tossed me the ball. i started to run a little forward and to the right. both defenders came at me. i threw behind me and on the run to my dormmate who caught it and sprinted for the touchdown. there were cheers from the sideline.

our opponents had the ball next. they completed one pass and threw two incompletions. taking two completions to make a first down, they went for it on fourth. i counted aloud ... one cardinal, two cardinal, three cardinal ... and rushed the quarterback. she threw the ball, but it was short and right into Julie's arms. she stopped for a second. i heard our spectators yell, "RUN!" and Julie sprinted down the field and into the end zone for our second touchdown!

we won!

sure, there were a lot of guys watching, but instead of leering at us in our "uniforms," they lined up with hands up. the four of us slapped their hands as we were congratulated on a good game from each of them. we even hung around for a few minutes with a group and chatted for a bit.

2. a little minor fund-raising

on the second night, i was given a dare in which i might make a little money. my objective was to knock on each dormroom door on my floor and ask each person i encountered for a penny.

this seemed a little corny, but kind of cute. so, at about 11 p.m., i proceeded to go from door to door.

i got a lot of laughs ... and i also got 38 cents!

3. a little dip

on the third and final night, 18 of the girls in the dorm were dared the same thing. this dare was a tad more intense and personally challenging. it had nothing to do with any major physical or mental exertion. it was something i had to dig deep to accept. as it turns out, i was one of only four who accepted this dare.

there are fountains all over campus, and one near my dorm. on this night i was to skinny dip into this fountain for exactly 60 seconds. only two caveats were applied to this: the group would shield the fountain in a circle preventing viewing from the outside, and the RA's would police the area to prevent anyone from using their phones to take pictures.

as it turned out, i was the third of the four to go. i came down in my robe with Julie and our RA, Gary, flanking me. i felt like a boxer going into a championship bout!

i watched two other girls take their turns, get out and shiver. my name was then called. i took a deep breath, gave my robe to Julie and entered the fountain. i walked around, splashed a few people (and, i supposed, flashed as well!), and dipped my head under the spout to soak my hair and shoulders. after what seemed like a chilly eternity, the timekeeper called time.

i made my way out of the fountain where Julie wrapped me in my robe and Gary put the towel on my head. ever the sportsman, i stayed as the last girl went her turn (the first two girls had gone inside).

pride

yes, they were some strange dares and i've even heard a couple people criticize the first and third as being immoral and/or inappropriate, but you know something: i'm proud to have participated in this. while there were the aforementioned criticisms, there were many who have commended me (and others) who completed all three dares.

i have made it a point to immerse myself in this culture. i very much don't want to look back and say i wish i'd done that. i can proudly say "hey, it was no big deal, and i'm glad i did it!"

~ Kassandra

a wonderful visit

it's been a long time since i can single out one particular week as an example of what makes me the person i feel i am.

i am a very driven and determined individual, perhaps even to a fault at times. i have goals in college and in life which i've repeatedly and proudly told others are my primal focus in life. i'm talking about my future and those things which i want to attain in my professional life. with focus, i know there's nothing i can't accomplish. i feel as if i have all the tools to reach these things; genetic intelligence, determination, and the personal support of those closest to me. to simplify, i will not let anything derail my plans.

of all those tools, one in particular is pushing me and is at the front of my mind right now.

other than my oldest brother, Brian, the last i'd seen my parents and siblings had been the second week of september when i said goodbye to Angela, Jessica, Keith, Brandon and Kevin at our house in milwaukie, oregon – then shared endless hugs with my baby sister, Monika, and my parents right before they drove away from leaving me at stanford the following day.

my relationship with my dorm mate has been an incredible one. we share many things in common and have gotten along incredibly well. Julie and i have formed this little foursome with our neighbors across the hall which has served as a wonderful foundation as i began my freshman year.

but the obvious lingering absence from my life has been my family. i probably seem to show more affection for my sisters than brothers, but i feel as much love for each of them as any other. i have a special connection with each of them. i feel fortunate to find a common denominator with each. this does not even mention my parents who have been everything for which i could have hoped. through successes and tragedies, my parents have been the rocks to which i can cling. they've allowed me to grow without letting that growth get out of hand.

my mama will always be my biggest supporter. i truly don't know how she juggles a husband, eight kids, service to her country and overseeing a business into which we recently became partners. one day i may ask her that … if i ever think she can find time to respond to that question. actually, i know she would always make time for the inquiry. she's just amazing like that.

my father told me something as he saw me off at stanford on that september 14th morning which took me aback. i had no response to it then, and i'm still not so sure what my response would be if i had to come up with one. when it came our turn to say goodbye to each other that morning, i said some things thanking him for his love, patience, instruction, lessons and everything else which has made me feel confident in my life. in response, he said the following: “thank you, Kassandra, for truly teaching me how to be a father.” i am as speechless today as i was in the two-and-a-half months since he said that.

i can only assume that after having two sons, he had to learn a few things when it came to having a daughter. he learned them in abundance; and it's a good thing since he would have three more of them!

thanksgiving break from school was this past week and the plan always has been for me to drive up from school and spend the week at home. true to plan, i made the trip north for the holiday (refer to previous blog). i knew they would all have their lives and priorities and, in a way, it was really interesting to see that from outside of the immediate situation.

i spent a lot of time with my sisters and youngest brothers. Brandon was busy with search and rescue events (including serving meals to abandoned children), but we had a nice portion of the day on friday where we were able to really catch up. he's a senior this year and pondering college or entry into the county's firefighter training program following graduation. i basically told him two things. the first that it is early and he's got some time to decide, but to apply to those colleges in which he might be interested; no matter what, to keep his options open. the second was to ask his big sister (he's 14 inches taller and nearly 100 pounds heavier!) for any advice at any time, and that she'd be there for him whenever.

Angela is really focusing on writing and tae kwon do; two things which she really enjoys. she's also been a tremendously wonderful surrogate mother to my cat, Nikki. i couldn't have made a better choice. Keith informed me that he decided not to play basketball at school so that he is able to be at his best for when baseball season comes around. he continues to collaborate with Jessica on their shared love for music, and continues to perfect his skills on the guitar.

Kevin, my second-oldest brother lives on his own and was somewhat in and out of the house during the week. he's actually doing quite well with small remodel jobs such as bathrooms and kitchens. it can't be easy with the economy the way it is.

Monika, almost like a daughter to me, is so precious. i had begun teaching her to read about a year and a half ago, and she made it a point to show me the progress she's making under the tutelage of Jessica and Angela, reading the entire Book of Mark from the New Testament to me the day after i got home, and she knew what it said. i'm very impressed with her comprehension.

i've always felt that my sweet sister, Jessica, is the strength of all of us. i know that when there have been times when i've needed to tap into some of that, and she's never failed to be there for me, or her other siblings for that matter. i had a lot of time to talk to Jessi about how things were going. with me gone, she's pretty much running the household when my parents aren't there and she admitted that it's a bit daunting. all i could do is reassure her that everything seemed to be going smoothly and that our parents trust her judgment as much, if not more than they trusted mine. she's also reinvested in writing her own compositions and is a major force in her high school's band, serving her second year as first piano. i'm so proud of her.

my parents are solid. i've mentioned them before here, and i was able to have some long discussions with each of them. it was really a give-and-take, as they opened up about what's going on with the new business, my dad's national guard base, my mom's reserve duties and the family. i opened up to them with the things which are of concern to me. we had one very long and comprehensive conversation which really made me feel good about their confidence in me. i knew of that confidence, but it's always nice to be reminded of it from them.

i would be remiss if i failed to mention seeing my best friends from high school on wednesday night. it all started with Shawna when we met for dinner. we then went to a club to hang out, and were joined by Ted, Lori and a few others. It was like nothing had changed, but that we were older and more mature. forget that we didn't get home until about three in the morning; it was these connections that i had hoped to maintain on this trip. i also had a chance to do some shopping with Shawna on friday. When it comes to shopping with her, let's just say we're very good at that!

while i've missed everyone, i've not been lonely the first months at school. however, this was a trip home i really needed to make. i think in a way it was therapeutic for me. i feel as if i keep proving to myself that i can do all this. there's never been much doubt; this serves more as a confirmation than anything else.

i learned a lot this trip, and i don't know that it could have been any better. it was relaxing, comfortable and exactly what i needed.

and to think, i'll be back there in just a couple of weeks.

~ Kassandra

ps: for those who read my last blog; dad has my car purring like a kitten!

arriving home for thanksgiving

anyone who has known me or had read this blog during the summer knows that being separated from my family has been the hardest part of my adjustment to college. sure, the classes have been a bit of a challenge. getting to know my dorm mate has been a concern. adjusting to overall life on my own has been interesting.

but nothing has been more difficult than being apart from my parents, my younger brothers and those three individually incredible girls i am privileged to call my sisters. as I’ve stated in previous entries, all of them are extremely special to me.

for the first time in over two months, i am able to spend time with those whom i love most.

I came home for thanksgiving break today (drove all the way by myself!) and became instantly teary eyed when i saw and hugged each one of them. that is, when they finally got home from a church function! imagine this: as i pulled into the driveway; no cars. not my dad's truck; not my mom's suv; not even Brandon's truck. i know they went to church in the morning, but i pulled up at a 10 minutes after four!

i used my old keys and got into the house, met a kindly gaze from our confused family dog, Jasper (looked like he thought i had made a wrong turn somewhere!) and delivered my bag and purse to my room. as i sat on the bed, i didn't know whether to smile or cry … so i did a little of both! i then felt a small and subtle sensory impact on my bed. it was getting closer, and closer.

already knowing the source of this, i merely looked down to see my Nikki sniffing to make sure her mama was really home. i confirmed any doubt by rubbing her behind her little triangle ears as I’ve done so many times. she began to purr and it felt as if i'd never been gone.

i decided not to call them since they surely knew they weren't already home, so i texted Jessica cryptically and asked if anyone was home. when she messaged back telling me they were at a church bazaar, i asked what time they were going to be done, and she informed me they would be leaving shortly because mom wanted to get started on dinner. in the meantime, i went online and checked a few things.

i was about to post a blog comment on the portland trail blazers website when i heard two vehicles pull into the driveway. i heard running footsteps and almost immediately the door was opening; i went out of my room and to the top of the stairs. Jessi, along with the angelic Monika were making their way to the top. i knelt down and hugged them both. too long apart. Angi and Keith weren't far behind, then my mom and dad, calmly waking in the door.

the greetings were amazing and made me feel as if i'd been gone for much, much longer than the nearly 10 weeks it actually has been. i was home, and for the moment, that's all that mattered. i was bombarded with a million questions and, upon recognizing this, Angi told me to pace myself because i had only a week to update them all!

Monika, my nearly three-year-old sister, has been of great concern to me while i'm away. i swear she's grown four inches since i saw her driving away with my parents as they dropped me off at school in the second week of september. i can't believe all that has seemed to happen, her happiness and her challenges. her eyes were bright as she told me all of it!

after putting some things away, my mom found me with a huge hug and an actual “welcome home, Kassandra.” it was greatly surreal how at the same time i was the little girl of which i strive to keep a hold, but also in a strange sense, a peer to her. an adult.

my dad came up from the basement and caught my eye. with a partial smile, he asked if everything was going well. i nodded in the affirmative. then, characteristically, he asked how my car was doing. he's never had any issue of tell me how he feels, but it was as if he needed to cover these initial topics with his first-born daughter.

“the car can wait a while,” i told him while going to put my arms around him. “i love you daddy. i missed you.” he whispered that he missed me too and, all of the sudden, i was daddy's little girl in his arms which is where i've always felt the most secure.

i was informed that Brandon, my younger brother by a year, was at a search and rescue function and would be home for dinner. it was more hugs, tears, smiles and laughs when he walked in the door.

they've had so many questions for me, but I’ve got just as many for each of them. i'm glad we have a full week to get reacquainted. a week. i truly can't believe it's so long – and so short.

it should also give my dad time to give my jetta a complete examination!

~ Kassandra

thriving

the past month has been that of getting adjusted, thriving and downright enjoying life. a lot of things have happened, so i'm going to touch on the highlights.

first of though, i should probably start off by saying; please disregard the comments in the final section of the previous blog. Adam turned out to be nothing i would want to be around. why 'o why do i seem to attract those types of guys ... well not always, i guess.

family

i've had many, many opportunities to keep in touch with my family back in oregon (not to mention my brother in the bay area).

i try to talk to my parents at least twice a week (usually about three times to each of them), and my siblings one- to two-times a week. we chat via webcam, instant message, e-mail and numerous times on the telephone. this has been wonderful. i believe my family knows how hard it is for me to be separated from them.

i've been able to keep up with all the latest with each of them and have been able to tell them of each and every little thing going on with me.

two trips have been made to my brother and his fiance's apartment in san francisco. if you remember, i have my own room in their three-bedroom apartment. those trips have been a great diversion from campus life; a very nice break as i've used the time primarily to study and complete some papers.

school

i go into every semester with a semester-long plan to study and review on a daily basis. i also make sure that once i am assigned a paper or project that i complete it as soon as possible. this is what i call my study plan. not to sound conceited, but i think it's working very well. i have four mid-term papers completed, and i'm prepared for the other three mid-term exams. mid-terms begin tomorrow and i really feel as if i'm taking advantage of this opportunity.

Julie and i continue to get to know each other and we're getting along very well. we seem to have the same priorities and styles as we approach life here at school. we also share ethical and moral standards which make things so much easier and, therefore, more fun.

i've gotten to know the resident assistants (RAs) pretty well. one in particular, Gary, has been very helpful and supportive. if i must say, i think i'm his favorite resident on the floor. being aware that the males in my family are very athletic and active, he's dubbed himself as my "gay older brother and protector."

football and basketball

i absolutely love the atmosphere here surrounding the cardinal football team. i don't know if this is because it's new to me, because we're doing so well or because of both. i'm guessing both. i've been to two games at the stadium (didn't go to the southern cal game because i had the flu). for the away games, a group of us get together in the dorm's rec room to watch the game. we've had about 30-35 residents in there for both games and it's been a really nice way to get to know people. i've met some very fun friends there. we've got five games left -- two at home and three away. i'll be at the stadium for the home games, and in the rec room for at least two of them. there is talk that we should be able to get tickets to the "big game" against cal at berkeley. i really want to be there!

my hometown portland trail blazers open up their season in just two days from this writing. still with some injuries to a couple of our players, i'm confident in the team we're going to put on the court this season. we have steady veterans, an more-than-solid core group and some very exciting rookies. on paper, we should be very strong. i'm not saying we'll win the championship this season, but it is the year we should be able to take the next step.

personal

i'm really just getting into the social life here. watching football in the rec room has been a lot of fun and there have been a few fun parties. i've met a lot of people.

there is a whole different selection of guys than i've seen before. in a way, that makes me feel like a little school girl. i haven't planned on any relationships, but perhaps the occasional fling might be fun. i had a great night during alumni weekend with a sophomore named Chase. he seems sweet. i may just want to hang out with him again.

i'm going to leave that at that.

~ Kassandra

changes abound

it's been just over a week since my last blog, but life has drastically and expectedly changed for me, in more ways than one.

saying goodbye

on monday the 13th, early in the morning, i said an emotional heart-felt goodbye to my younger brothers and sisters (sans Monika). it's hard to go into, and relate how emotional this was to me. in particular, i did not want to let go of Jessica or Angela during our hugs. finally, i cleared my eyes got into my car, smiled at Monika in the back seat, and followed my parents as we headed toward san francisco.

we made pit stops in roseburg, medford and redding before making it to my brother's apartment by about 6:30 at night. i got to drive Monika down during the first and last legs of the trip, and we had a really great time talking and singing along with some cd's. i also got a chance to talk with my dad (second leg) and mom (third leg). that was a really special time for me. it meant so much to have that one-on-one time with each of them.

we stayed the night at Brian’s, though i couldn't sleep. my mom got up in the middle of the night to find me sipping coco on the deck. i was too excited with anticipation and too deep in thought of the future. my mom joined me for a couple hours. but we didn't speak of what will be. we spoke of what has been. we exchanged stories. stories about a little brown-haired girl asking her mother a million questions about everything; stories about a wide-eyed little girl trying to keep up with her two older brothers; stories about a little girl with a smile so bright as she cuddled next to her father so they could spend time watching sunday football together. it was just what i needed that night. it put a lot into perspective for me. it's just as if, as always, she knew just what i needed.

we arrived just before noon. i checked into my dorm and picked up my parking permit. my dormmate, Julie, arrived about 45 minutes after we did.. it was wonderful to me, like a beginning. on the other hand, it was extremely difficult to say goodbye to my parents and youngest sister. i watched as they drove away and turned the corner, almost expecting them to turn around and realize they forgot to take me with them. of course, i knew better. i really don't know exactly when i stopped waving goodbye.

arriving and beginning school

Julie and i spend most of that day unpacking and getting settling in. we have everything for which we can hope! small fridge (small, mind you, not mini!), microwave, hotplate, tv and … well, anything else two girls might need (except maybe our own bathrooms!). we've connected amazingly well. neither of us seems to worry about the little things.

we toured the campus together, then took an official tour of the campus with our dorm's resident assistants. it was very informative. we also spent part of the day at the beach on saturday (i'm so glad i have my car with me!). we also got tickets to stanford's game against wake forest saturday night. the latter was made even more fun when we clobbered wake! go cardinal.

classes started on the twentieth and my first impression is one of optimism. from what i can tell of the first two days, this atmosphere is catered to my style of learning; reading, listening, reviewing and testing. i can sooo totally do this!

a little something extra

i don't know if extra is the correct word, but i'm going to use it anyway! so thursday we were walking around and decided to sit down outside the quad. Julie kept nudging me and i'm like, “what?” she kept smiling and finally, on the other side of me, i heard this voice. it was asking if we were getting settled, if we were finding out where things were around campus, and if we had our tickets for the football game two days hence.

i turned and smiled. the voice was extremely cute! we started talking and i told him – Adam – that we hadn't planned on going to this particular game because it was only non-conference and didn't count toward our goal to win the pac-10 title, even though we still had to go through oregon, oregon state, usc and arizona to get there.

Adam’s eyes got wide.

he said after hearing my response, he just had to ask me to the game. i said sure (did i mention he's cute?!). he and his friend would take me and Julie to the game under one condition. i had to have lunch with him on friday so we could get to know each other.

we spent most of friday afternoon together and all of us met up for a bagel and went to the the game saturday evening. i had specifically planned not to become involved with someone the first half of this year.

i'm seeing him again thursday night. maybe i'll let you know how it goes!

~ Kassandra

emotional last day at home

emotional. excitement. fear. trepidation. optimism. love. sadness. pride. thankfulness. curiosity.

on this, my last full day at home before heading off to college tomorrow morning, i can't imagine an emotion which is not touching my heart.

i've been talking about my feelings of being away at college in the past several blog entries, and now the time has come.

so, as my family often does to commemorate events such as this, threw a party. it was just an intimate little thing with about 20 close family friends.

today was the last time until probably thanksgiving or christmas i was able see my best friend, Shawna. she has been amazing friend to me for the past four years. in high school, she was the rudder who straightened my ship. she says the same of me. there are times i am sure i owe my sanity (for better or for worse!) to her. she's about to head off to her own journey; hers taking her to the university of washington in seattle.

i've been told that as high school friends move on, they will lose contact. i believe that we will adopt other priorities in school and life, but i am as committed as i can be to stay in touch with Shawna. i have labeled her as my kindred spirit; and you just can't lose contact with that.

it meant so much to me to see these people who came to share my last day in oregon (at least for the school year). i loved seeing Simon from across the street; our very close family friends col. and mrs. Chapman; McKenzie, Thomas, Rick, Tami, Heidi and Irene from high school.

it was certainly wonderful and fitting that all of them were there, people who have been such a very important part of my life. I feel honored to be included in theirs as well.

i've spent the past month attempting to relate to my family how much they mean to me. i think i've made my points clear. my sister, Jessica, told me the other day: "yes, Kasey, i know, i know and i know!" she then smiled and hugged me so that she could whisper in my ear that she can't even imagine what it will be like with me here.

that kind of thing has comforted me, and all of them have really taken that sort of moment to convey their feelings.

i've left messages for each of them which i will e-mail to them either monday night or tuesday morning. i only hope they understand the words which i try to convey. (i've left the recorded message to my parents with Brandon, who will give it to them upon their return tuesday night).

so, i'm off in the morning. one more goodbye as Brandon, Jessica, Angela and Keith take time away from getting ready for school, and we're on the road. my parents will start the trip in their suv, while i have the privilege and honor to be accompanied by my youngest sister, Monika, as i drive my jetta. we're headed to san francisco where we'll all stay with my brother and his fiance monday night, then move me into the dorm on tuesday.

i fear that watching mom, dad and Monika drive away will be the saddest sight i've ever experienced.

but then again, that's just one emotion which is rushing through my heart.

~ Kassandra

lest we not forget Nikki

in my last entry i talked about missing my family. however, in all that, i forgot someone very, very special to me.

as a 14-year-old pretty much beginning adolescence, my parents presented me with a gift. this was to be my pet and mine alone, the cutest little kitten. black with white patches and the most gorgeous eyes, she won my heart the instant i saw her.

i named her Nikki, somewhat after a friend and because i thought it sounded cool for a cat.

i cannot begin to relate the tough days or activity filled nights when i would come home to relax and before i knew it, Nikki would be laying next to me purring steadily. it's like she knew her role in the family and in my life. everyone has a job and comforting me during rough times is hers. and if i didn't know better, i'd say she is all smiles.

so a question has emerged regarding Nikki. who shall take care of my baby while i'm at school living in the dorm?

this was something i've pondered for quite some time. i've run through them one by one. obviously it's going to be a family member, but whom?

my parents. this wouldn't seem fair to burden them with one more thing about which to worry. although they would do it if asked, i dismissed this idea quite quickly.

Brandon. he'd be great. however, he's a senior and doesn't need one more thing on his plate. additionally, he's already the primary care provider for our family dog, Jasper, so i don't think it would be right to ask him to take care of Nikki as well.

Jessica. she'd also be great, but she's heavily involved in her high school band and other music ventures. some of these take her away from home for a night or sometimes a weekend, so it might not be the best job for her.

Monika. this could be an interesting choice, and she loves Nikki, but i think my youngest sister is probably still a little young for this kind of responsibility.

Keith. my youngest brother is nearly 13 and wouldn't do a bad job of taking care of my baby. he's busy with music and with sports and i don't want Nikki to fall through the cracks of his schedule. i've decided to ask him to act as a back-up to the person i've asked to look after her.

which leads me to ... Angela. i absolutely love this girl and it makes sense that she look after Nikki. Angi is just about my age when my parents gave Nikki to me. most of Angi's activities involve writing and reading which she does at home anyway. yes, Angela is the perfect choice.

i know Nikki is in good hands with her.

~ Kassandra

Separation Anxiety

so, as you know, i'm off to college in two-and-a-half weeks. you also know i'm very close to my family. extremely close.

i'm spending these last moments with all of them; mom, dad, Monika, Keith, Angela, Jessica, Brandon and Kevin. i'm also making arrangements for something special for each of them for after i leave.

truth be told, i'm not handling this impending separation from my loved ones very well.

how long will it be before they walk by my room and no longer ask if i'll be home in time for dinner? how long will it be before my mom or dad no longer ask me to give one of my siblings a ride somewhere? how long will it be before they eliminate the thought of me from their day-to-day routines?

i love all of them greatly, and it's not like i'll be forgotten, but these questions weigh heavily on my mind.

there is no doubt in my mind that this is where i have to be and it's what i need to be doing. despite that fact, i wonder if maybe i should have emphasized colleges nearer to home in my search. on the other hand, stanford is one of the best universities in the country, and it has everything for which i was looking.

i'm not a person who deals well with being separated from love and affection. no, not the physical kind, but the truly deep emotional, heartfelt love one only gets from those who have been an intimate part of her life -- all her life.

i can't help but wonder if my parents will keep my room the way it is or turn it into something very different. will my mom see my picture on the wall and remember the little girl who begged and pleaded to lick the cake frosting bowl? will my dad think about the nights we spent watching our favorite show together? will he never forget that i always have been and always will be his little girl?

what will Jessica think when she's playing piano and doesn't see her big sister leaning in the doorway with an expression of great pride on her face? will Angela call me when a question comes up about her schoolwork or boys, or will she find someone else to ask?

how will Brandon react to being the oldest at home? can he possibly know how much respect i have for the young man he's turned into? will Keith look up into the stands at his game expecting to see me, but suddenly remember the reality that i am not there? will he remember fondly the times when it was me who had to scold him? how will Kevin ever do a remodel estimate without his "brainiac" sister?

and then there's Monika. she's so much like all of her sisters, yet with bias i feel she favors me the most. she almost seems like a daughter to me. will she realize that i haven't really left her; that i'm only a few hundred miles away? will she continue to learn to read even without her mentor present? who will she climb into bed with when she's lonely once i am not there?

obviously, the questions are at the forefront of my mind but, you know, i think i already know all the answers. they will be all right. i will be all right. saying goodbye -- or see ya later -- will undoubtedly be the hardest thing i've ever had to do in my life.

we've been so close for so long, and i just can't imagine being so far away from any of them.

~ Kassandra

sf bay area rocks!

so far, i am loving the bay area! i know seem to be saying 'i love this' and 'i love that' a lot lately. it's true though; i've been here just a day and a half, but it's been an incredible day and a half!

Brian and Carla

i was met at the san francisco airport by my brother at a little before 5 a.m. thursday morning. after grabbing my luggage, he took me to his apartment where i would be staying through the weekend, which included friday's meeting with my college counselor.

wait, i'm getting ahead of myself a bit.

Brian and Carla have been together a little over a year and became engaged in june. she essentially met my family when he brought her home for my high school graduation. the reception from my parents, siblings and myself was a positive one for her. i imagine it can be daunting meeting your fiance's family of military parents and seven siblings. i, for one, was quite impressed.

prior to my arrival in san francisco, Brian and Carla informed me that they had a big surprise for me.

my brother and i arrived at the apartment from the airport at about 5:30. Carla was already awake. each of them had to go to work in a couple of short hours. i was going to get a chance to rest after my two weeks in new mexico and nebraska.

i was told to help myself to the fridge and cupboards, make myself at home and feel free to watch any movies or listen to any music i found in the place.

then my brother nodded toward his fiance and said she had something to show me. she smiled slightly then motioned for me to follow her. i did so, and Brian followed me. down the hallway and to the last door.

she stopped for a moment, then opened the door.

what i saw brought me to tears. the bed, the chest, the desk. and a theme of my favorite pink.

i was then informed that this was my room, for whenever i wanted to take a break off campus and drive the 30 miles north. this was offered as my refuge by a smiling couple. i was amazed and honored.

Brian had grabbed my bags and he set them inside. he approached me as i was walking around beaming, a smile from ear to ear. what he told blew me away. Carla had remodeled the room just for me. he said she wanted to make a great impression since i would probably be the family she would get to know best.

i smiled at her, went over and gave her a huge hug. i love it!

college counselor meeting

i met with my counselor at the university for the first time in person this morning. she's a sweetheart and i really think we'll be able to work together.

we spent a lot of time on the curriculum and what it will take for me to attain the goals i have for myself. this basically included the courses and overall plan of action for me to earn the degrees for which i'm aiming.

she showed me a layout of my classes for fall and a layout of the buildings on campus. we also talked about my dorm, parking permit and the student union.

she also gave me a special treat. as we were concluding, she said 'ah, one more thing.' she picked up the phone, looked at a paper on her desk and began dialing.

that one more thing was a call to my dorm mate, a blond girl named Julie from oxnard, california. we spoke via speakerphone for about 10 minutes and exchanged phone numbers and e-mail addresses. it's great that we'll already have been talking before we actually meet face to face. needless to say, i'm feeling pretty good about it!

so here i am, in my room near my school, loving ththe bay area!

~ Kassandra

des moines, lunch with grandma, heading west

you know, this really has been the vacation of my lifetime. in just under two weeks, i feel like i've lived a summer's worth of adventures. i've seen probably 85 percent of my extended family, encompassing both sides!

there's no way i can recapture all this in one blog, but i can say it would make one hell of a 'what i did on my summer vacation' report!

mississippi river and des moines

when we last left off, my grandparents, aunt and cousin were off to des moines, with a detour to the mississippi river and the state of illinois. it was a great day, even though much of it was in the car.

from lincoln we went through southern iowa and northern missouri to burlington, illinois. my impression from this part of the trip: the mississippi river is friggin huge! i mean, i knew it was big and the current was strong, but i don't think i was prepared for the sure size and awesomeness of it.

monday night in des moines was wonderful. my cousin, Stacey, lives there and showed us some midwestern hospitality that would make a southerner jealous (not sure about the validity of that; it just sounded good!). after my grandparents and aunt decided to crash out, Stacey, Rebecca, Stacey's roommate Candice went to a club in des moines. i just have to say, as i may blog about this later, the iowan guys are something very special!

last day in nebraska

i had wanted to drop into kansas, so on wednesday before leaving, my grandmother and i had a girls day out. we drove past some of the larger farms in the area, then took a little drive across the kansas border into marysville where we had a nice little lunch and did some shopping.

shopping was a major activity in all these places, but there were also some other souvenirs from the trip ... how about a little summary:

sixteen state-named t-shirts; 12 pieces of jewelry, over 25 little trinkets, about five special mementos, samples of dirt from nine states (10 if i can get some during my layover in minneapolis/st. paul!) and, get this, samples of river water from two of the country's largest rivers (mississippi and rio grande).

how's that for a summer?!

brother and school

from here, i go to san francisco to stay with my brother for a couple of days. i have my first face-to-face meeting with my college counselor friday and that's only a 40 minute drive from my brother's apartment.

i should arrive at the airport there early morning of the 12th.

he already told me that he and his fiance, Carla, have a surprise for me when i show up there ... i have no idea what it might be!

but i do love surprises!

~ Kassandra

loving lincoln!

actually, i'm loving the area about 15 minutes outside of lincoln, nebraska. i arrived at the airport very early last thursday and have had the most wonderful several days with my grandparents on dad's side.

we've had two big barbecues the past couple of days, one at their house and another at my aunt and uncle's house. many of my cousins here are close to my age and it's been amazing meeting them, many for the first time in person. before this trip, the only cousins i've really met repeatedly are my uncle Mike's (dad's brother), who live in southern california.

it's a very surreal feeling knowing about these people and having heard their names, yet not ever actually meeting them. it was the same thing with my cousins in new mexico. it's been a real eye opener of the people i've been missing out on. i hope this propels me to improve and continue these 'new' relationships.

early monday morning, my grandparents, an aunt, a cousin and i are taking a two-day road trip, which could take us through as many as five states.

we're starting out going south into kansas, then east into missouri. knowing that i've already seen the rio grande river when i was in new mexico, my grandfather feels it only appropriate that we continue through missouri to the mississippi river. i actually am hoping we can make a quick run across the river into illinois (just to say i've been there)! from there, the plan is to head up to des moines, iowa. my cousin, Stacey, lives there and has promised to put us all up for the night.

on tuesday, we'll head back into nebraska. we've mapped it and there's about 10 hours of driving time monday (we're leaving at 5:30 a.m.), and about three hours on the way back. i'm told this is a relatively quick trip around the block, so we should have some time to stop in each place and take a look around.

something i'm also doing is taking a dirt sample from each state which i've visited. it started with hawaii, and continued during the first leg of my vacation. it strikes me as very strange that by the time i'm finished this summer, i'm going to have dirt from 13 states -- and that's just this summer.

this vacation is very special to me, but i'm very much missing my own family. i've video chatted with them several times, but there's nothing like being there. when i get back, i will only have a few weeks before i go off to college. that thought -- and the feeling of missing them -- continues to grow in the forefront of my mind. my family is very special to me and i fear i'm not handling the impending separation from them very well. i shall attempt to address that in a future blog.

for now, i'm looking forward to the next couple of days!

~ Kassandra

Aubrey

i am a registered student tutor with the state of oregon. this basically means that i've taken a course and completed testing to be approved as a tutor for students younger than me on a free-lance basis. this allows me to charge for my service and treat the sessions with my "tootees" (coined by one of them) as a job. i don't consider it work. through this, i've seen and been exposed to a lot of different types of kids and, in some instances, the challenges and learning disabilities with which they deal.

this is something of which i generally don't speak. these are private sessions where trust and anonymity is key to moving forward and helping these kids.

***

she has a smile of gold which shines through her long lightly browned hair. she's all of about 4'4" tall. she is kind, considerate, wondrous, curious and all the other things one would hope a nine year old would be.

what she wants most in the world is to be like every other girl her age. However, she doesn't feel as though she is.

her relatives make fun of her. her friends (if you can call them that) call her names like ‘stupid,’ ‘moron,' 'dummy’ and others.

those descriptions have absolutely nothing in common with the girl I met just a week ago, my cousin Aubrey.

ever the optimist, she volunteered to accompany my grandfather when I arrived at the airport in albuquerque for my visit there. i've since learned that she wanted to meet me, a cousin she'd only heard about and talked to a couple of times on the phone, yet never met in person.

for a week, we were like sisters. she told me all about her home state and listed intently as i spoke of mine. though we live about 1,300 miles from one another, we share a great pride in our homes.

she was there when we visited four corners, the intersection of Utah, Colorado, new mexico and Arizona (although, she insists that new mexico should be listed first!). i bought us matching necklaces there and she declared that i no longer had just three sisters; i now have four!

***

Aubrey struggles in school. she and her father swear she works her butt off but every time she thinks she has the right answer, it turns out to be wrong. backwards. she calls her homework "all inside out."

knowing that my mother had home schooled the majority of her children, Aubrey's father contacted her at the end of school with the dilemma of Aubrey's scholastic difficulties. my mom suggested a few things, and promised to get back to him with more.

my mom asked me for my opinion. i suggested Aubrey do some testing through the state, and that could hold some answers. on the phone with she and her dad on phone extensions in new mexico, and my mom and i on phone extensions on oregon, Aubrey said she liked the idea of getting answers, but going to the state to be tested was scary for her. she all but refused to do it. her father didn't pressure her (and for that moment, i agree with him).

i had yet to meet her at that point, but as we were all paused on the phone that june day, i came up with an idea.

"Aubrey, i need you to listen to me and let me finish before you respond, okay?"

"yes, cousin Kassandra," she said.

"well, you may know that i'm going to be in albuquerque in a month and a half. if i promise to go with you to testing, and be there, will you promise to go and be tested? i'll wait for you there and we can talk about any part of it you want to beforehand or afterward. all we have to do is schedule it for when i'm going to be there. would that be all right?"

"if you come with me, i promise to go," she said after a long pause.

***

i arrived in albuquerque on a thursday afternoon. that's the moment I met Aubrey. she offered to be my tour guide, which encompassed informing me about her home state. we got a chance to sit down alone together friday morning and i asked her to read part of the newspaper out loud. sound it out, i told her when she came to a pause. i then asked her to perform a few exercises based on what she had read. After about two hours, i told her to relax. her testing was scheduled for monday (august 2).

based on what i'd seen friday morning, i had a hunch. through tutoring, i had seen something very similar to this.

the weekend was recreational. we had the trip to four corners, we walked along the rio grande river, and we had lunch. other than our friendship, it was all about "doing lunch!"

the state tests came on Monday morning (they allowed her to hold the necklace that her cousin bought her, just for luck).

"it was easy," she claimed, rather triumphantly. then added "cousin Kassandra, it was just like what we did the other day." i simply smiled. my hunch had just grown into a full-blown-gut instinct!

***

the following day was my last full day on the albuquerque portion of my vacation. it was also the day we received an expedited analysis of Aubrey's testing. my gut turned out to be correct.

Aubrey is dyslexic.

i know, that's not necessarily something to be excited about. but I think it's cause for optimism. there are several programs where people can learn to re-train their brains into perceiving information more effectively. as i told Aubrey, a lot of people have learned to deal with dyslexia and beat it. an actor, a professional football coach, ceo's of companies. the important thing is to determine what was causing the difficulty.

i think she's encouraged.

as she did nearly a week before, she came to the airport to see me off this morning. we were all smiles until we got to the gate.

i tried to convey how special the visit was and how wonderful she made it. then, she blew me away.

"cousin Kassandra, i knew you'd help me. grandma told me so. i don't care how much those instructors help me, you'll always be my best tutor.

i spoke nothing, as i am very poor at talking through my tears.

the hug seemed to last forever, then i was on my plane, smiling because i knew Aubrey was not any of those things she had been called.

in fact, i am confident those names and that ridicule are soon to be a thing of the past.

and i can't wait to see Aubrey again!

~ Kassandra

four corners

there are places i've always wanted to see in my life. the hills of scotland, the beauty of australia, any revolutionary and/or civil war battle field ... well, the list goes on.

i finally realized one of those experiences today.

i'm on vacation in the heart of new mexico. this morning we loaded up the suv and my grandparents, an aunt, a couple of cousins and i took a little road trip to the northwest worner of the state -- literally!

it's a four-and-a-half hour drive from albuquerque to four corners; the intersection of utah, colorado, new mexico and arizona. it's marked with a monument.

we stopped in shiprock, new mexico for lunch, just about 20 minutes prior to arriving at the monument marker.

unfortunately, we could not get on the marker itself because it's under construction and, in fact, nearly completed. i was able to get close to it and to walk around it, passing through one state, then another, then another, then back into new mexico!

the marker is maintained and upkept by navajo tribal parks. i was aware that there was a heavy native american population in the region, but was unaware that many communities consisted of up to 98 percent native american from a population standpoint.

they were very nice and welcoming. i had a chance to talk to one woman who was very knowledgeable about her region. it only made the visit that much more interesting.

when these state borders were being outlined, the caucasions and native americans faced many differences. i find it very ironic that given that, the native americans are very proud and honored that four corners is in their back yard.

needless to say, i was impressed.

~ Kassandra

note: the actual intersection of the states is located approximately two-and-a-half miles east of the actual marker. this is due rough surveying techiniques in the late 1800s. despite the discrepancy, the monument is considered the legal marker of four corners according to the unites states government.

and ... i'm in albuquerque!

okay now, i'm updating y'all ... on my phone so perhaps this will be short. i made it safely to my grandparents in new mexico. everything went routinely and my grandfather was there to pick me up at the airport, along with my cousin, Aubrey, whom we have determined i've never met in person. she's promised to be my tour guide here.

i have already taken her up on it!

i'll tell you more about Aubrey later!

as I wrote previously, i am leaving the sightseeing plans to my family, but one such event has already become clear ... in a couple of short days, my own little butt will be sitting in four -- count 'em ... four states! we're going to the four corners, probably saturday or maybe sunday!

i know i said things went routinely, but there was a minor incident at my one hour and five minute layover in phoenix.

i wandered into a giftshop and browsed through t-shirts, finding a section of shirts featuring the phoenix suns, and specifically Amar'e Stoudimire (who has since bolted phoenix for new york). being a good trail blazers fan, i rolled my eyes. this kid working there asked if i had a problem with the suns.

i said 'no, i'm looking forward to knocking them out of the playoffs this year (i didn't even tell him who my team is!)!'

i walked out of the giftshop feeling triumphant.

~ Kassandra

mid-summer blues

new hair

actually, i'm not blue at all. truth be told, i'm blonde! my natural hair color is dark brown, but since this is the summer between high school and college, i decided to have a little fun with it. rather than just dye the whole thing, i put blonde highlights in there.

the truth is, i don't really care for the look. it was nice to try, but i think it'll be back to dark brown very soon. i guess i'm just a brunette at heart!

the grandparents

my visit to the grandparents is nearly here. i leave july 29 for my mother's parents in albequerque, new mexico, where i'll also see some cousins i haven't seen in quite a while. i'm told some surprises planned for the visit.

the southwest has always interested me; i've always felt that mainstream education usually glosses over the mystery and beauty of the area.

after six days, i hop on a plane in albequerque and head to my father's parents just outside of lincoln, nebraska. i bet that'll be a huge culture shock!

these grandparents are not farmers, but they rely heavily on the agriculture industry. this is the heartland of america and i am honored to be hanging out there for another 6 days before returning home to portland.

i look at this as a very special time, as my grandparents are footing the bill for this trip -- my high school graduation present. i'm honored that i am able to spend this time with each of them.

trail blazers

with the exception of a few trade rumors and some fans' player wish lists, this is a very slow time of year for the portland trail blazers. i remain skeptical about many things involving the moves they have made.

however, this is my team and i will not stop supporting them and pulling for them to win. that's called loyalty, and that's what i'm all about.

not working

other than my travel, i feel like i'm not doing much this summer. i'm not working steadily for my dad like i have the past two summers (my 16-year-old sister, Jessica has that honor this year).

my mother is still settling into the new business and it's taking up a lot of her time. therefore, my responsibilities at home, especially with Monika, have increased. i have no problem with this since i am beginning to fear leaving my family behind when i go off to college. of course, that's a whole other blog.

Monika is truly the light of my heart. i love her immensely. i shall miss her more than i can fathom.

more updates to come!

~ Kassandra

LaBrona the Piranha puts eclecticspider in his place

wow ES, so much aggression, and all of the sudden as well. are you really continuing to dwell on the four blogs per week thing (i'll prove you wrong once and for all on that in a moment)? i don't know if your unsolicited attacks on me are truly personal, or if your just sticking up for your new-found mate, EA.

i literally laughed out loud with my best friend when you claimed to know it all (i'm assuming that was tongue-in-cheek) after you addressed "KP" and told him to hire the GM he wanted ... i thought Paul Allen was the owner looking to hire a new GM. very humorous (Lebrona the Piranha strikes again!).

you're last couple comments directed me have shown a new level of immaturity and lack of any basis of fact whatsoever (mostly just assumption and conjecture). in fact, your attempt at applying a new nickname to me is even more lame than your massively confusing player nicknames.

as for your hang-up on my statement that MB had posted 3-4 blogs a week ... all you have to do is review the first half of april, and perhaps the last few days in march to find that i was, indeed, correct on my estimation that four blogs had been written during any one week. it happened more than once.

basically, MB posted 10 blogs in 19 days between march 27 and april 15. from march 27 to april 1, just a 5-day span, there were four blogs. interestingly enough, in the eight days of april 8-15, there were five blogs. so, we have just learned that i did not 'exaggerate' as you say, and that you continue to erroneously be hung up on one little point.

as i previously stated, you have the right to state your opinions. just keep in mind that Lebrona the Piranha has the right to show you when you are blatantly wrong, that is, if i don't choose to ignore your propaganda, as well.

ENJOYING MAUI!

~ Kassandra

cousin laurie, going to hawaii

cousin Laurie visits

i was very fortunate to have so many wonderful friends and family come to help celebrate my graduation from high school. both sets of grandparents visited, from nebraska and new mexico. my uncle Mike cousin Laurie came up from southern california.

Laurie and i have always been close, and have always been able to tell each other our deepest secrets and darkest desires. we do not judge each other. we've remarked several times at how our closeness is reflected in our commitment to not judge each other.

we had one final weekend before she had to return home, so we decided to let our wild sides out. now, i would never let my mom what either of us wore that last night, but we each turned quite a few eyes when we made it to the first party.

we were not looking to drink a lot, and i will never force Laurie to tell me what happened for that 45 minutes she disappeared with that guy (they were a cute couple, even if he was more 'mr right now' rather than 'mr. right!').

for my part, i never realized i was so adept at performing lap dances in front of relatively large groups! granted, both could probably be considered three-quarters of lap dances rather than the whole thing (not that the guys were too bothered at that).

Laurie and i hung out all night and it was quite wonderful seeing her again. much like i had during a visit to her town two years ago, she thanked me for a wonderful evening and terrific visit.

i love my cousin very much, and while i will miss her, i will always be close to her for the things we can share.

off to hawaii

it's somewhat of a tradition, and since i consider myself a traditionalist, i am taking a graduation trip to hawaii with my best friend, Shawna.

we've planned things out very well. being the creative one, Shawna is in charge of planning the sightseeing and activities; and being the analytical one, i overseeing the travel and accommodations.

i'm not sure what we will have in store for this trip, but we are poised to have a lot of fun. i will update this blog with some details later as they happen.

oh, and yes, i have sunscreen and a couple new bikinis ... what more could a girl need for a week in hawaii in the summer?!

~ Kassandra

ps: i will miss the nba draft, but i will get all the updates later that night. good luck blazers!

My Internet is for Recreation

i am an adolescent girl who has visited social and commentary websites for well over four years now. i enjoy meeting people, and talking and debating common interests. this remains interesting as long as these conversations are civil, non-profane and without insult. this is what makes the internet recreational and fun.

however, there are several people on the internet who treat this recreation as seriously as real life.

there are those who feel they cannot get their point(s) across without a barrage of insults, profanity and false accusations regarding the character of the subject. this is a sign that people take the internet much too seriously.

there is a great irony amongst these people, referred to often as "trolls" or "haters." they use terms like "misinformed," "ignorant" and "immature." the true irony is that these people are projecting the same qualities while simultaneously using those terms. it's quite ironic when they are the ones, in fact. using the term "hypocrite."

the vast majority of these people are instigators who, while they claim to advocate peaceful conversations, they make it abundantly clear that they will not be happy without some sort of disagreement, argument or fight.

there is no negotiating with these people to an acceptable civil conclusion.

after the time i've spent conversing with people over the internet, i've come to the assessment that in the grand scheme of things the mindsets of these individuals is just not important.

in the united states we are struggling to deal with the worst economic recession in several decades, fighting two wars, attempting to control our borders from illegal immigrants, and pressing for an effective answer to the most devastating man-made disaster in the country's history in the gulf of mexico. that's just the tip of the iceberg; there are a slew of other local, national and international issues facing our citizens as well.

so in looking at the big picture, are comments courtesy of these internet instigators really all that important? anyone with any measure of an education would answer that in the negative.

so why do the instigators continue? is there some reason they can't enter reasonable society? are they taking the internet too seriously?

in my opinion, the third question is the most likely. i view the internet as i view going to a theater to see a movie. it can be a nice diversion for a couple of hours, but it's no substitute for real life. the internet, like a movie, takes you away from reality for a while, but when it's done you go back and live in the real world. that's all there is to it.

it's baffling why these instigators of negativity would spend their recreational time desparetely trying to drum up controversy. it seems that's the only form of entertainment they have at their disposals.

i choose not to live like that. there are so many more important things in life with which to deal. in the past i have engaged some of these people in their debates. i've since discovered this is seldom, if at all, productive. my likely responses to this now include blocking those who are vulgar or offensive, or completely ignoring those with whom there can be no peaceful resolution.

i strive to be as positive as possible whenever i can. i do this in the hopes that i may provide an optimistic outcome rather than to contribute to the problem. i've learned many, many things from my parents. in dealing with the issue of internet instigators i always remember one lesson in particular: "be part of the solution, not part of the problem." that's one of the best lessons i will ever have learned in my life, provided i adhere to it.

it is said that a lesson in futility means doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. continuing to engage these instigators is just that. there is no changing their mind and, if i feel i am correct, there should be no reason for me to change mine. continuing to engage would be to expect a different result from the same thing. it makes no sense.

perhaps the band Love and Theft have an applicable point in the chorus in its song, Dancing in Circles:

"why do we go dancing in circles when we know it never ends. we get so close, so close to living this way. we come so close to loving each other like sisters and brothers and we go dancing in circles again."

this shouts out the lesson in futility, a lesson from which i am proud to have learned. i choose to not play that game.

i am not always correct. in fact, i wouldn't want to be. being correct is not how a person learns. rather, we learn from our mistakes and wrongness. i have no problem with that and, to that end, strive to be the first to admit when i am wrong. the humility i have learned in my short life has given me that.

why should i engage the instigators? the mere fact of the matter is that i should not. they are an anchor weighing down the vessel of recreation of the internet. i choose not to enable their negativity.

that is why i will choose to ignore these people; not because i believe i am better than them, not because i am giving myself accolades for being correct, and not because i think i am the only one who has a right to contribute to a conversation or forum.

i choose to ignore the instigators because i choose to spend my recreational time in a more positive, interesting and fun manner. that is my reasoning; anyone who would tell you differently is misinformed.

additionally, i would not force my course(s) of action on others. that's not my right. if there are others who choose to do the same, that's their decision and they have their own reasoning behind it. that is their decision to make for themselves. if others choose do react differently, that's their decision as well, and i respect that.

i, for one, choose to do this because i believe there are more important things with which to occupy my recreational time over the internet rather than deal those people who'd rather insult, downgrade and fight.

that may be important to them. it is not important to me.

~ Kassandra

the prianha

a little while back, i corrected a factual error by one of the posters on Mike Barrett's blog. she was not happy about it.

another poster chided her for it, joking that she was corrected with 'razor sharp precision.'

as this was mentioned a couple of other times over the next week, i was compared to a piranha because of the razor sharp precision of my comments. i was also called the LeBron James of the message board.

as a result, the nickname "LeBrona the Piranha" was born.

the poster who created it had a tad of skepticism over whether i would like it. i love it.

i love it so much, i'm using it on my dorm room door at college next year!

~ Kassandra
(LeBrona the Piranha)

My brother and my favorite neighbor

i am the third oldest in my family, with brothers two and four years older than me. Brian is my oldest brother and he turned out to be pretty great. as toddlers he showed amazing patience with his little sister ... until he became a teenager.

i can't much blame him. i mean, what teenage boy has anything at all in common with a sister four years his junior? it was not a matter of hatred nor uncaring. i now chalk it up more to a lack of common denominator between the two of us.

there were times in my early teens when i wondered if Brian and i would ever find a commonality between us.

***

i was just 8 months old when my family moved to the house i would call my home when growing up. it was fall of 1992 and we were moving into a nice little neighborhood in suburban portland, oregon.

this is the house my parents planned to make home for their family.

as i said, i was not even a year old when we moved. my parents were inside our new house and i was in a stroller sleeping away my mid-day nap.

***

Peggy was a wonderful woman who had lived in the house across the street since the 1960's, raised three kids and had remained in her house after her husband passed away in 1984.

she would become my favorite neighbor growing up. my brothers, sisters and i would always help with groceries, lawn mowing and such. we were all great portland trail blazers fans.

i learned more from her than i learned from any time i ever spent doing classwork.

***

Peggy came over the day we were moving in when 5-year-old Brian was outside.

she introduced herself to my brother with a smile.

"hi, "i'm Brian Martin," my brother said. "that's my brother Kevin playing on the porch.

"come over here," he continued. "this is my baby sister, Kassandra. isn't she beautiful?"

***

unfortunately, my first neighbor passed away in april 2009 of a heart attack.

that was a truly sad day in my heart.

***

now at 18 years old, i think of the friendship between my brother and i. there are no more concerns about a common denominator between us.

we're both entering adulthood and have our concerns of life and the future.

i cherish the bond, especially as i prepare to go 675 miles away to college. he is a u.s. army recruiter stationed just 30 miles away from my school.

***

i suppose i never should have been concerned at all.

after all, he told Peggy what he thought of me all those years ago.

blazers take game 1; Barkley is an idiot

absolutely incredible! i was going to say unbelievable, but there's not a one of us who didn't think we could win this game! what a team effort!

i first have to give credit to Nate for not letting the suns build momentum. every time phoenix went on a little run, he called timeout, regrouped the guys and stopped the suns from extending their lead by more than 4 or 5 points. very intelligent. i also liked a lot of things he did with the rotation (leaving in the Andre-Jerryd guard tandem in the fourth quarter, for example!).

obviously, everyone is talking about Andre, as well they should. he took control in that fourth quarter brilliantly. he did exactly what you need to do against a team like the suns, attack the paint. phoenix had no answer for Andre last night.

i had mentioned that at least one of the bench guys had to step up and it was Arizona native Jerryd. what a big night for him (sans the missed ft's at the end). he made a lot of things happen and really kept us attacking, especially in the fourth quarter. between he and Miller in the fourth, i think it was an exceptional combination for us, and something which caught phoenix off guard.

Marcus was again a huge factor in the win. i don't know what's more impressive; his 17 rebounds or his defense on Amare or even the blocked shots. i felt he had a virtually perfect game until he missed the dunk. that could have really put in the dagger. Marcus was dominating down low, which compliments LaMarcus' game very well.

speaking of LaMarcus (don't you all just love my segues?!), i was a little worried about his shooting in the first half, but he went 3-6 in the second half and played some nice defense at the other end.

and what can i say about Nicolas. i had read a story the other day where he talked about being disappointed in his play last year against houston and that he wanted to redeem himself from that. obviously, his defense caused various suns players fits all night long, but his shooting was spectacular as well, 7-13 for the game (7-12 if you don't include the desparation three he almost made at the end of the third quarter). Nicolas: redemption phase one complete. oh, that driving dunk in the third quarter should make everyone's highlight reel; i think he had just been called for a foul at the other end, and you could tell he wanted that dunk!

i continue to be impressed with Martell's defense. i remember when he was drafted; my dad and oldest brother were talking about him only being able to shoot the ball. i think he's been learning some defensive skills lately from Nicolas and Marcus! fanhouse.com calls his double block in the fourth quarter, 'Webster's Dikimbe Mutombo Moment!'

we know what we have to do to beat the suns. we've proven we can do it, and i see no reason why we can't pick up game two. they'll be hungry, but i think we will as well.

to make a long comment short (don't roll your eyes at Kassandra!), i'd like to take a moment and point out how much of a complete utter moron that is Charles Barkely. basically there were two things he said at halftime (we had the game on both channels at my house!):

1. he made the claim that "no one in portland, oregon thinks the trail blazers can win this series." -- uh, Chuck, i haven't talked to one person in portland oregon who things we won't win this series; shut your pie hole!

2. as part of a bit during the halftime show, Chuck was asked a question by a fan, 'being from alabama, do you find it hard to communicate intelligently with other people?" after laughing and trying to shrug off this question, he eventually said 'yes.' --well, at least he admits it!

i'm very proud of our blazers, and i'd love to see us win tomorrow night!

~ Kassandra

Wrapped

It would be the third time he's gone through it, and the sergeant felt prepared for anything.

Rugged, straight-forward and no-nonsense, he'd approach this change the way he had approached everything. He would follow his pattern and all would be perfect. According to plan. No wavering.

He took his two boys - ages four and two - to the neighbor's house. Two boys, to take after the old man. They'd be strong. Athletes perhaps. He'd been rigid with them, but curious about their crawling, walking and obtaining their own little personalities.

They'd be fine at the neighbor's there until this little mission was over.

Mission. It was a strange word to describe what was coming. The sergeant knew no other way to describe it, yet had the gut feeling the word would turn out to be a major understatement.

The drive to the hostpital would be only six miles and at shortly after eight o'clock at night, the traffic was about what could be expected.

He arrived at the hospital to find his wife had checked in and was in her room. It would be their third. Another boy. Would he be a quarterback? A first baseman? A soldier like his dad? Only time would tell, the sergeant supposed.

The sergeant would make sure his wife was comfortable. That's all he could do.
He had met Jane seven years before. Army guy and Army gal. Not long after, they would be married. Two years later, a son. Two years after, a son. It had been two years since the second had been born.

There wasn't much he could do; it would probably be a couple hours until she was ready. He wouldn't be there anyway. Too busy to go to coaching practice, not that Jane needed one or wanted one. She had her role down. Easy. Piece of cake. Well, maybe not that easy.

A phone call to the neighbor informed him that the boys had behaved and were tucked in bed. They had no idea why they were at the neighbors that night and they probably didn't care.

They would find out soon enough.

The sergeant sat at his wife's bedside, delivering the customary ice chips and words of encouragement. He was being the dutiful husband, though he feared he wasn't being of much help.

It was about a quarter to midnight when the doctor told him if he was going to leave the room, now was the time. A quick kiss to his wife's forehead - she seemed to dismiss it - and he went to the outer room to have a seat and wait.

For how long, he would not know.

He read through two copies of old Sports Illustrated magazines, and a cover story in Newsweek about the upcoming democratic primaries. The race looked somewhat interesting but, after reading, the sergeant concluded the senators from Iowa and Massachusetts didn't have much of a chance, and the governor from Arkansas would probably prevail over the former California governor, which would pit him against the republican incumbant president in the general election.

He was skimming an article on Bulgarian exports from the previous year when his wife's doctor stepped into the outer room. She informed him that everything had went perfectly, and that he could see his wife.

He eased into the room, not sure how lucid she may be. Surprisingly, she smiled at him and they shared a kiss and hug, only half in actual contact, but more than whole at the heart. They talked for a few moments, but she didn't tell him about his new little surprise.

The sergeant told his wife that he was just glad that everything worked out all right. He had some calls to make, but that could wait a bit.

The door to Jane's room glided open, a small cart of some kind being pushed by a 30-ish-year-old nurse with dark brown hair. The sergeant's wife smiled at her husband, gripped his hand and suggested he take a look.

He first counted. Ten and then another ten. All the toes and fingers seemed to be there. Add to that an adorable little smile and a pair of the biggest eyes he'd ever seen. All topped off with a cute little stocking hat in the color of pink.

Wait. Pink?

Boys don't wear pink.

There must be some mistake!

He lightly rubbed the hat and looked at the nurse in confusion. She smiled, congratulating him on the birth of his beautiful baby daughter.

His eyes got wide.

He had barely considered the idea of having a daughter. They had asked not to know the gender of the baby. There was no need, as long as it would be healthy, and she was.

The sergeant became nervous. She was his child and he would love her, support her and protect her. Immediate thoughts of her teenage years flashed through his mind, most notably scenes of him on the front porch cocking a shotgun at some teenage boy desperately trying to race away. He allowed himself a chuckle at the thought, which quickly disappeared. One day this little thing was going to be a teenager! What had he gotten himself into?

He made the necessary calls as his wife got some necessary and well-earned rest. They had discussed some family names, names of friends and some others at random. Finally, Jane said had always liked one name in particular. She spoke it a few times. The sergeant agreed.

Through the day and into the next morning he was busy with more phone calls, but preoccupied with the thought of his new daughter. A girl. Imagine that. How could he ever prepare for this? He could only assume that his wife would handle all the details which come with a girl.

He told himself it wasn't that bad. After all, she was beautiful. The staff in the nursery fawned over her. Would that make her his little princess?

As the sergeant and his wife prepared to go home, a nurse brought in the little girl and placed her in her mothers arms. She doted on her perfect little bundle.

Her father approached them and asked his wife if she was ready. We are, she said.

He looked down and smiled at his daughter, touched the top of her head - the pink hat still on - and gently tussled her shoulder.

Then something happened.

Her lightly flailing arms moved up and down, as if she were running in place. The first one stopped. Then the second with her hand placed right on top of his.

For the first time, all his concerns, all the scenes from her as a teenager vanished. This precious little girl had captured his heart. It was at that moment when the gruff and rigid sergeant realized he would never be able to say no to her, no matter how hard he tried.

A tear of joy formed in his eye.

With a kiss to his wife and a smile on his face, he led them out to the car. It wasn't a long trip home, but he was in a hurry. A lot of friends and family were gathering at the house.

And he had a daughter to show off to them

blazers scoring options, Oden and not drafting Jordan

taken from a post made on Mike Barrett's Blog on 4/9/10. this talks about the third scoring option for the portland trail blazers:

i have thick enough skin to not take every little thing said on a message board offensively or advesarily.

i believe it was in the previous thread, but i did mention that Greg was supposed to be the third option (maybe even the second). now don't get me wrong because i don't intend to throw him under the bus, but we need to be able to rely on the person to be healthy. we've yet to see that. again, don't get me wrong because i like Greg and i hope he does emerge as a major option for us in the long term. i'd love nothing better than to see him prove the naysayers and critics wrong and proceed to have a great career.

my point in thinking Nicolas could be a guy like that in the future is based, in large part, to his level of improvement from last year to this. additionally, the silver lining to his injury this season is that it was not to his leg, knee, ankle, etc. it's my understanding that those injuries have a more deletarious long-term effect on an athlete's body than a shoulder injury (generally speaking, of course).

also, i'm not even really talking about any of this happening after Andre's retirement. this guy's only missed five or six games over his entire career ... i think he has several years left in him. he is the option right now; i'd like to seem him be more of a distributor sometimes, though, rather than a shooter.

the draft with Jordan, et al was before my time, but i'm tired of hearing about it. it's my understanding that we already had Drexler and that we weren't really looking for the same type of player. what we needed was a center so we drafted the next-best guy. in looking this up i also learned that it was Bowie who we traded (with a draft pick) to get Buck Williams who, i'm told, was the final piece we needed to make our championship runs in the early 1990s.

it's ironic that people are cricizing the blazers now for doing the same thing in the Oden-Durant draft. i, for one, do not feel it's justified. i have faith in Greg; i just hope he can come back as well as he did before ...

... and speaking of Greg, does anyone have an update on whether he might be back for the playoffs, or at least the second or third rounds should we get that far?

~ Kassandra